As you can read here and here and here, my good friend, The Paranormal Activity Demon, is on a worldwide mission to find his lost love, the big-breasted lady from Paranormal Activity. He keeps me updated on his search via letters, which he’s requested I publish on CHUD.
Dear Mr. Chud,
Am demon. Am 1/10000000000 of Legion. All activity Paranormal Activity when demon.
Wake up. Head hurt from crying from missing boob lady from her not here. Even when sleep, boob torment. I not a-live but sleep if want.
Start day thinking of Hell. Maybe bad, but at least still own self there. Not yet slave to boob. Warmer, too. Hate cold. Maybe better off in Hell. No! Stupid! Stupid! Be strong!
Tell Next Door Lady time too be strong! Time too go find boob lady. “No,” say. “Eat,” say. Make cakepan. Butter. Syrup. I not a-live but eat if want. Eat too much tho. Can’t move now. Stuck in chair.
Next Door Lady say “Wait here.” Come back w/disk. Feed disk to TV. Ladies now on TV. They like sistas to me now. Little breast sistas.
Carrie want shoe fix, but shoe fix place now comic book place. Stud behind counter. Carrie enter store must buy, so buy comic. Get stud phone number for free. They make WOOPY and smoke plant and eat bird. He still live w/Mommy, tho. After good time end, Carrie go. Lesson learned about comic book studs.
$$$ Samantha put on bar mits fa for little girls. Little but big when come to WHOOPY. Talk the talk. Walk the walk. Samantha shocked. It a new world, sister. You not only WOOPY fan on block. Still, put on great bar mits fa. Everyone happy. $$$
Sharlotte man very trouble. Soft pee-pee. Sad Sharlotte! “Me vee-vee no good enough, Mister?” Hard on heart, for sure. Go see talk doctor. He say, “give pee-pee and vee-vee names. That will help me laugh.” Later, Sharlotte catch man hitting pee-pee w/boob magazine…
Pass out at this point. I not a-live but can pass out if want. Wish I had such magazine. Wish so bad. Not know such magazine out there. Major news.
Next Door Lady wake I up. Clean nose-bleed and continue small boob TV ladies.
…Sharlotte mad about magazine. Why magazine with real thing next room? Yes, Sharlotte. Very good question. Man say “Dunno.” No, Man. Very bad answer. Be honest w/her. Tell her about size issue. She love Man. Surely fix boob. Instead, Sharlotte put pictures of own face over magazine boob. He keep hitting pee-pee, so it work. “This why this only TV,” say Next Door Lady. Hmmm, learning so much about world.
Miranda find she tongue thruster. Move teeth w/tongue at night. Get silver braces. Stupid. Even in Hell, braces clear now. Go on date. Silver teeth gross out. Everyone laugh at silver teeth. World beat Miranda this time. Silver teeth gone next day. Regular teeth continue nightly losing battle w/tongue. Miranda need learn too find beauty within. World will follow.
TV ladies end. Tummy all better. Tell Next Door Lady time to be strong! Time to go find boob lady. Next Door Lady say “Wait here.”
She leave. Come back later. Hold in hand such magazine as in show. Can’t move now. Stuck in chair. No longer think of Hell. Found Heaven.
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