Why We Can’t Trust Video.

Recently video was recorded that captured the wobbly arrival of the scariest killer gnome South America has ever known. My initial response was one of glee. I’d always known that creepy deathgnomes existed but without photographic evidence I was always forced to err on the side of caution. The same went for El Chupacrabra, Nessie, and a cool person who constantly brags about banging girls.

But now, this proof is nothing more than something that arouses the skeptic in me.

The proliferation of viral video, realistic home movies, and the ease of making a convincing fake has turned all of the cool Cryptozoological things out there from being fun speculative topics into horrible fake realities. I remember when the Alien Autopsy video hit the world in the mid-90’s and the stir it created. We all assumed it was fake but things were different then. We were more wide-eyed about such things. Willing to believe. Hoping to believe. Now, if that video surfaced we’d enjoy it for the idea and the craft behind it but after a steady diet of realistic looking fakes and people who clamor for their 15 minutes through this route we’d have just dismissed it.

The wobbly killer gnome isn’t real and it breaks my heart.

Look at it this way: What the fuck else is there to do in South America besides creating tiny hysteria? I mean, aside from coming up with brilliant ways to prepare meat (chimichurri is better than sunshine), making the best wine there is (Malbec I’ll take over even a nice Valpolicella), and being a fully functional cultural hotbed with a diverse and exciting populace.

Ain’t no way that gnome is anything but a drunken shrunken doing his Spanish speaking mates a solid by wearing a pointy hat and making silly South American sounds out of his diminished voice box.

In 1995, though… this would’ve been legendary. In 2008 it’s just another goddamn YouTube curiosity.

Motherfuck.

- Nick Nunziata would rather see video proof of Gray Aliens than God.