STUDIO: Paramount Home Entertainment
MSRP: $14.98
RUNNING TIME: 133 minutes

  • Pilot Episode

The Pitch

A pants wearing sponge lives under the sea. In a pineapple.

The Humans

Voices of:
Tom Kenny, Bill Fagerbakke, Clancy Brown.

The Nutshell

SpongeBob Squarepants: 10 Happiest Moments is a random collection of ten episodes of the show. It’s two hours of screaming, creepy SpongeBob on one disc. If you can handle that, you already own these episodes.

The slash fiction writes itself.

The Lowdown

Oh, SpongeBob Squarepants. Friend to children, stoners, and creepy uncles everywhere. He’s pretty much the dying breath of the Nickelodeon of my youth. The yellow bastard has been around since I was in Middle School. I’ve never really watched the show, but it’s been there for almost half my life. Most of my exposure has been through merchandising. Less than an hour from my house is a SpongeBob roller coaster. One of my first girlfriends had SpongeBob underwear, which was incredibly disturbing. So, if some creepy  drawing can dig a Freudian hole in my brain, the show must at least be good. Right? After watching these ten episodes, I have no idea.

This is the line to get into the new Harry Potter movie. Or by it’s more common name, an ‘Amber Alert’.

I’m not the target audience. I’m guessing you’re not either. I tend to frighten kids, and that just leaves the man-children and stoners. So I’ll get this out of the way; it has bright colors and is easy to follow. But, if you have the cognitive skills to buy things you probably already own these episodes. It’s a random collection of episodes that costs as much as a dime bag. You probably don’t want to buy this. Unless you’re a stoner with kids, then it’s worth it. It’s a medical fact children like SpongeBob more than they like their parents, so it really frees up your time.

So, what about you, generic movie geek? SpongeBob: 10 Happiest Moments is absolutely worthless to you. Despite being graced with a title, this disc’s collection of episodes is about as random and pointless as it gets. Sponge
Bob is essentially an excitable mentally retarded sponge, so every moment is his happiest. They could literally put any episodes they want on here, and they did. We get a Christmas special, a ghost story, and a few origin stories. The episodes don’t really vary that much in quality though, they go from boring to annoying. It’s ten episodes some guy pulled out of his ass, picked from 400. Really, any ten episodes of SpongeBob is enough to wear on someone. Watching these episodes in one big chunk is not how the show is meant to watched. Things that are tolerable in ten minute doses don’t always work in two hour marathons. You could turn on Nickelodeon right now and see enough SpongeBob to last a few years.

“For the last time kids, stop sending me fan letters addressed to Krugan and Rawhide!
That wasn’t even me.”

There is no reason to buy this DVD. The only reason it exists is so Nickelodeon can sell the same episodes over and over again. The episodes here do nothing to show for the show’s lasting appeal. I’m not going to judge the entire series on these ten episodes, but there isn’t a stand out among them. There were a couple of gags that worked and showed the show can have a surreal charm, but the episodes never got past amusing. If you like the show, buy a season. For twice the price you can get more episodes with actual special features.

A word to parents, most of the episodes have SpongeBob running around annoying the crap out of people. It has it’s charm in ten minute segments, but three episodes with SpongeBob screaming for a minute straight is way over the line. If you have kids that watch the same thing over and over again, stay far away from Spongebob. He’s really obnoxious and kids like obnoxious things, so it’s best to pretend he doesn’t exist or punch them whenever it’s on TV. If they take a liking to Patrick, take action immediately. Patrick means they’ll never leave your basement.   

Glee must be on.

The Package

The episodes look fine, with a few of the older ones showing their age. The only extra is the pilot, which actually plays in sequence with the program. It’s a pretty good pilot that has a bit of a John K. edge to it. It actually gave me hope that the show isn’t just a screaming sponge for twenty minutes. It’s sad when the best episode on the set is listed as an extra though.

2.0 out of 10