We’re
entering a new age here at CHUD, with a refreshed stable of writers, a
re-energized concentration of efforts, and a focus on consistent,
knowledge-backed fun. To ring in this new era for the site we wanted to
bring you a truly special, truly memorable, truly incredible list that
characterizes what CHUD is about, and we think we’ve cooked up just the
thing.

BODILY FUNCTION JUNCTION
The 25 Grossest, Most Execrable Moments in Film.


We’re
here to explore the most depraved, flinch-worthy, vomit-inducing (or
vomit-involving) moments ever put to film. We’re not interested in
simple gore and viscera here… We’re looking for the shittiest,
pusiest, cummiest, pukeiest, piss-filled scenes in the history of
motion-pictures. Some will be huge, some will be small, but they’ll all
be gross. We’ve also put an unprecedented amount of effort into
pre-planning, scheduling, and dividing the effort for this list, so
expect it to hit you every one of the next 25 weekdays (with a number of
special surprises planned for the weekends!).

So
without further ado, grab your nearest complimentary airsick bag (or
maybe just a whole trashcan) and jump into CHUD’s newest list.

——————————————————–
DAY 15



——————————————————–

THE MOVIE?



Cannibal! The Musical (1993)

A twisted little gem made by Trey Parker and Matt Stone when they were just humble college students at the University of Colorado.  It’s the true story (barring a few historical deviations and Oklahoma! spoofing tunes) of Colorado cannibal Alfred “Alferd” Packer.   Packer is a local legend. There’s an Alferd Packer grill up at CU Boulder, and there’s an Alferd Packer Day.   Parker and Stone thought it would be nice if Colorado had a film to play on Packer Day.  Like most other things they’ve done, it didn’t go over well, though it’s a legend with the cool kids.  Almost every 20 or 30something in Colorado knows someone who was actually in Cannibal! The Musical.  Those who weren’t lucky enough to know Stone and Parker back in the day can still sing the words to Shpadoinkle Day!

It’s a film filled with delightfully icky moments (I think they blew most of their tiny budget on the opening gore), but only one made it to the list. 

THE GROSS?



“Are you lookin’ at my eye?”

WHO DOES IT COME OUT OF?


Why, the Cyclops! Feared by the entire Rocky Mountain region, he’s revealed to really be a cranky, sheepy-raising ex-Confederate.  Union army soldier did that to him in the big one. Any of you boys fight for the Union Army?



WHERE DOES IT GO?


Everywhere!  Thick eye goo splatters down his beard, permanently staining it a crusty melon shade.  It’s reminiscent of a flan – all gooey and glistening as it launches out of his pinpointed  wreck of an eye.   It sprays all over our hapless miners, who are actually starving at this point, yet their appetite for mutton is utterly ruined.  Say, are you looking at his eye?

ANY CASUALTIES?

Just the hats, coats, and faces of Packer and his gang. Oh, and jaunty Dixieland, which is sung to the tune of his splattery socket.  Look away, indeed.



HOW GROSS IS IT?

It’s not as gross as its eye exploiting cousin, Hostel, but it deserves some high marks, especially considering the budget.  (Knowing what I know of that party school, maybe they scraped up the mess left behind after a CU Buffs game. That could be nothing more than regurgitated Coors.) Compare the screen caps our David Oliver provided from Hostel on Day 2 and marvel at the similarly globby consistency and creamy hue.   Think about what makes these special. All of these bodily functions are gross.  But eye goo is a special kind of nasty. Nothing except clear and cleansing tears should ever come out of your
eye. Ever.  If something thick, warm, and colorful ever comes out of your socket,
something is very wrong. If someone around you has gunk this shade pouring out of their ocular region, run. You’re in a horror movie!

But really, this scene is just so damn funny. It’s the polar opposite of Hostel but it still induces a squirm or two. All the elements — the crying lamb, the terrified miners, the baby face of a CU student hidden under the beard, the pathetic sing-a-long, and the sound effects — combine to make it horrifying and hilarious. You don’t want his viscous eye gunk on you, but there’s nothing better than watching it land on someone else. And isn’t that what it’s all about?





Just in case you need a little more, here it is in shucky dang darn glorious video, you stupid Yank.






Previously:

Day One - Day Two - Day Three - Day Four
Day Five - Day SixDay SevenDay Eight
Day NineDay TenDay ElevenDay Twelve
Day ThirteenDay Fourteen

Sidebars:

Wet the Right One In - Vomit We Couldn’t Keep Down - Spermicidal Tendencies