Spunk, sperm, jizz, load…whatever you call it, it’s a daily part of practically every male’s life.  Some dudes are scared of it, some dudes are controlled by it, but we all have it and at least once a day we all think about where we’re gonna put it next.  That’s what today’s sidebar is all about – the various places guys put their business.  They didn’t make the main list for various reasons, but even if they’re not the most prominent loads ever shot off in cinema they’re all memorable.  So, without further ado, here’s some semen.

Enjoy.

I.


The Movie:  The Silence of the Lambs
The Spunker:  Multiple Miggs
The Spunked:  Clarice Starling




Clarice goes to visit Hannibal Lecter for the first time.  While walking down the corridor, one of the patients compliments her on her womanly musk and then gives her a bit of his own leave-in conditioner.  Miggs, you stupid fuck, indeed.

II.


The Movie:  American Pie
The Spunker:  Kevin
The Spunked:  A cup of beer and, subsequently, Stifler’s stomach.



While getting a blowjob in the upstairs bedroom at a house party, Kevin’s about to bust.  His girlfriend Vickie tells him she doesn’t want it in her mouth and he decides to make a deposit in a nearby abandoned cup of beer.  All well and fine, I suppose, until Stifler bursts into the room, kicks Kevin and Vickie out and, after a nicely edited “Will he or won’t he” scene, ends up drinking the contaminated libations.  Stay thirsty, my friends.

III.


The Movie:  Forrest Gump
The Spunker:  Forrest
The Spunked:  His blanket



This one isn’t gross at all, just a little uncomfortable.  Maybe even kinda sweet.  Yeah, how’s about that?  A sweet ejaculation.  Awww.  Forrest here can’t keep his eyes off of Jenny’s lacy underthings so she decides to teach him a thing or two about the soft, supple skin of a woman.  She also inadvertently taught him about the humiliation of premature ejaculation.  Forrest knows what love it, and now that blanket does too.

IV.


The Movie:  Ichi the Killer
The Spunker:  An (at the time) unidentified voyeur
The Spunked:  A plant and the title of the movie.


The film opens with a bunch of guys having a pow-wow then cuts to their boss brutally beating and raping a woman.  He hears a noise outside and goes to investigate but finds only the abandoned DNA of a mysterious visitor.  The slippery left-behinds slowly drip off of the leaves of the plant onto the ground below, where the title of the movie slowly reveals itself.  What’s notably fucking disgusting about this is that apparently Miike has confirmed (via the US TokyoShock DVD) that the semen used in the title sequence is indeed real, having been provided by  Japanese director Shinya Tsukamoto and three other crew members who deposited their stuff into a bucket.  Oof – hat’s off to you, Takashi Miike.