The lollipop has officially become a fashion accessory, marketed as such by upscale candy company Sugar Factory. By purchasing their Couture Pops, now girls and young women who adore female icons such as Britney Spears, Kim Kardashian, and the Pussycat Dolls can carry these fashionable, edible lollipops around as an accessory. A young lady (or curious gentleman) can buy one of Britney Spears’  “circus tour lollipops” or a “purple passion” pop promoted by Mel B.  They’re slightly larger than life with jeweled sticks and cute plastic domes that cover the sweet ball of candy.

These lollipops are meant to be fun. They’re meant to be a little over the top. Indulgent. They’re meant for showing off.   But if you weren’t born yesterday, you’ll understand that this suck-able, lick-able candy is an object that begs a performance. Stop and think for a moment. Enjoying a lollipop is as conspicuous as it is cathartic. Mistakes were not made here. The idea that a woman can crave and enjoy oral pleasure is tantalizing. To watch the act in its red-lipped nuances is an epic opportunity.  And to own the prop that says you can mime this act anywhere you want to is like buying a bumper sticker and wearing it on your face. Let’s be honest. Brandishing a bumper sticker, t-shirt, or similar object that allows you to claim your rights to something simply by stating them is cheap and easy.

As has stepped forward with this new product, I wonder if we haven’t stepped back a little as human beings.  I can’t blame these confectioners for filling a hole for our female market out there. No pun intended, of course.  Products most often mirror the sentiments that are already out there than creating them. They saw a need. They saw, maybe in not so many words, a weakness in our young women that could be assuaged by jeweled candy scepters and have given the suspects who prize the image they can project far more than their emotional or mental sinew a prop that they can use in their daily lives. And in a world where every sidewalk can be a runway, every entrance can be a red carpet affair, objects become props and clothes become costume.  Perhaps it was a matter of time before this prop was offered to the public.

Wearing your kind of sexuality as a badge is not new, nor is it brave. Wearing it for other people has a way of dismantling your soul. As far as oral sex goes, I’m a huge fan. It can be an incredible experience for both parties involved. But the miming of it in public in faux-nonchalance begs the question: Why would you want to? If you crave performing, then be an entertainer and get paid for it. If you crave the idea of performing, then read about it, write about it, and do it. But do it with a passion.  Go and do that very thing you want to do. But don’t dabble in the idea by buying a $22 jeweled lollipop and take it out for a suck every once in a while to see who notices.  That’s like playing dolls or standing at a two foot tall fake kitchen set and flipping flat oblong disc over and over in the frying pan until you feel like you’ve made those plastic eggs for daddy. All the world is a stage, but if you’re performing, be aware that you are performing. And think of whether or not your audience deserves you.

If you prefer to live between your imagination and the real world, you’re entitled to float dangerously outside of yourself like a paper doll. But be aware… the real world is waiting for you, and the lollipop probably can’t come with you, even if it does have a convenient plastic cover.