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STUDIO: Crappy World Films
MSRP:  $21.99
RATED:  NR
RUNNING TIME:  90 minutes
SPECIAL FEATURES:
 None to speak of













The Pitch

A bad taste horror-comedy with obligatory holiday theme.

The Humans

Director:  Chad Ferrin

Cast:  Timothy Muskatell, Rocardo Gray, Charlotte Marie, Trent Haaga, David Z. Stamp, Jose I. Lopez


Have to cut off Evil Dead hands at the source.


The Nutshell

A mentally handicapped teenager(Ricardo Gray) is put in peril by his mom’s(Charlotte Marie) new boyfriend, a murdering, drug using sleaze bag. The teenager, Nicholas, just wants to enjoy his favorite holiday of Easter, but is instead left alone with the boyfriend, Remington, who decides to throw a Pedo-party in Nicholas’ bedroom while he scores drugs and hookers. A bunny-masked avenger soon shows up to set things right in gorey fashion.

The Lowdown

This movie just isn’t good. I like bad taste comedies as much as anyone, this one never hits the mark in terms of balancing bad acting with the necessary levels of ridiculousness, nor is it ever as shocking as it would need to be. Creepy pedophiles being sicced on mentally handicapped minors should be funny or horrifying, but in service of this film it just feels like an item on a shock checklist. John Waters depraved creativity is nowhere on display here. It really drives home how difficult it is to make something funny that is so horrible, some just make it seem easy.


Joke, not that funny


The cast is fairly uniform in awful, but again, not entertainingly awful. Muskatell, looking like a merging of Danny McBride and Harry Shearer, does sleazy well enough. He sports the greasy rockabilly look with overweight, hairy, Speedo wearing charm of many an unlikable screen heavy. While I’d say he is the least offensive actor in the film, it’s damning with faint praise because he never finds anything real or scary about his character, it just seems like a facsimile of a character I’ve seen in far too many independent films. A shadow of an archetype that would have appeared in a David Lynch clone from 20 years ago. Nothing interesting or revolutionary here.


The consumate ladie’s man


The rest of the cast is undeniably, bad. Ricardo Gray as Nicholas is just ridiculous playing handicapped poorly and inconsistently. This is a performance that no one could get behind, offensive but never funny. The limitations of his handicap seem to disappear for bits based on what the script asks for his character to accomplish. Charlotte Marie’s performance consists of being a loving and caring parent while bringing an obviously terrible person into her home and entrusting her child with them. Another character who only behaves in a manner based on script need. Her acting is flat while her cleavage, which represents about 30% of her performance, is not. David Z. Stamp is the creepy pedophile with a box full of drugs and dildos that refers to himself as Judy Garland. Expected and boring. And Jose Lopez is the Mexican caricature that only serves to fill time in this sparse film. Also the killer in the bunny suit is portrayed by Wolf Dangler, just thought I’d mention that. Wolf Dangler.


This movie in a nutshell


Truly this film is just an ugly boring waste of your time. The story is barely fleshed out enough to fill a half an hour much less the (admittedly)short runtime of 85 minutes. A group of Hispanic characters are introduced, do nothing to the story and show up later only to be murdered in gruesome fashion. I’m not going to complain about a body count, nor am I going to pretend like you should give a shit about their back story or impact on the story in a movie mainly focused on stab-rabbits and their victims, but at least make me believe they aren’t a tacked on necessity to reach feature length or body count quotient.


Conjuring a tent


As for the mentioned grue, the true star of any hacking and slashing gorestravaganza, don’t get your hopes up. I know it’s a need of any low budget horror film to try to hide your budgetary limitations, but it’s advisable to avoid complete impenetrable darkness when filming it anyways. Unskilled and green as your f/x team may be, at least give them a chance to have their work show up on screen and let me, the viewer, judge it for myself. Certainly this is more forgivable than to hide it completely. Gore, bad or not, is the main reason I showed up to the party, so give me a taste already.

This is the ultimate cheap, no-name produced dreck. Sub-standard for even the low expectations of late night cable watching. I would advise all reading this to take a chance on anything but this. If it shows up in your video store(doubtful) keep looking.


Warning signs you’ve entered a Gary Glitter party


The Package

The review disc I got had not a thing but the film on it. No behind the scenes, nor even a root menu. A quick check out on Amazon seems to show that the film isn’t even currently available, much less containing any  special features. Perhaps a blessing.

OVERALL 1.5(for the cleavage) out of 10 


Wolf, dangled.