Welcome to the latest mind-blistering
missive from my spent casing of a noggin, filled to the rim with
shinola and burgeoning with backwash and partially chewed Red Vines.


I’ve
decided that the ‘Slap’ is going to be about life. Personal shit.
Professional shit. Random shit. That way, the Steady Leaks I run on the
main site and the ranty blogs I run here have their
own life. I want this to be a place of whatever. It may bore you. It
may be of value. It may turn you into a Eunuch, except not as hung.


The Ones That Got Away.

You know that old adage about certain things not feeling right unless you experience them someone? I don’t mean sex. I mean like sometimes an amazing experience isn’t the same alone. Seeing a rare animal in the wild. Seeing a certain film for the first time. Little moments that are great alone but better together. I know that walking the streets of Prague alone was amazing, but I know that if my wife were there it’d have been transcendent. I know that seeing my daughter dance to one of my songs is hilarious but can only imagine my father’s ample belly shaking up and down as she did her thing, something he sadly never had a chance to see. There’s a lot of things like that and since it’s Saturday and I’m feeling a little nostalgic, let me share a few of the ones that got away. Folks who I knew or know who I just wish things had clicked a little better leading us to today.

Lewis C.

Longtime friend and collaborator. Great guy, great father. I wish you still had the passion to take your ideas and your talent to the stratosphere. I also wish you had the ability to return a call or email now and again, as we’d be in production on the Mythopolis animated feature by now. I did all I could.

David W.

Great friend and roommate until… HER. It all went to shit, but the immediate change of character and dissolution of a great friendship really sucks. One of the guys I felt would end up being pretty legendary disappeared overnight. Ah, the power of the pussy.

Patti F.

Speaking of… I wish we’d kept in touch back in the day, not that I have any regrets but being that age and having a girl like you move in next door and the connection we had, I’d like to have seen how the string would have played out over time. Too bad you were sent off as soon as your stepfather realized living next to me wasn’t going to aid you into becoming a “good girl”.

Ralph D.

I can’t imagine the first twenty years of my life without you around and find it puzzling how we’re still not in constant communication. Italian families are fucked up, and I think a lot of people made a lot of mistakes but there’s no denying the impact you had on a lot of people. I wish things were different. Then again, the fact you didn’t let us know when Carmela died was pretty damn foolish.

Brian P.

Still a great guy. I remember how funny you are, just wish you had more time to exercise those muscles. You’re too damn good for the Postal Service.

Brent S.

Why didn’t we keep in touch after film school, man? I’d have a D.P. for life and I’d make sure you got a lot of work.

and most importantly…

Dave Davis

As great as things are right now with the site and the film and comics stuff, I really would have loved having you be a part of it. One of the big losses this site has ever had and definitely the biggest of my professional life. One day, man. One day.

And that’s that. I promise tomorrow to resume being a total asshole.

And now… another Mary Worth War Strip from the vault…

Click the image to Large It Up!

All apologizes to the creators of the strip. This intended as parody only and not an attempt to be the best thing ever.