Dear CHUD,

I’ve been a fool. I know I’ve been neglecting our relationship and I promised that I would make more time for us, but I didn’t. None of those other magazines and websites mean anything to me. They’re just flings. You’re the one I love.

I promise from now on I’ll be better. I stopped sniffing glue and staying up all night trolling YouTube for Downfall videos. I’ll get that Betty White tattoo removed. That was a mistake. I can see that now. My Alf fetish? I’ll get rid of the suit but the plushie stays.

See, look what I brought. It’s 15 digital copies of American Cinematographer‘s August 2010 issue. Just for you. It even works on iPads and iPhones. Never mind that I wrote the Salt cover story. There’s an amazing article about Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. You love Scott Pilgrim. You’re always talking about him.

Is there something going on between you two?

Please send an email to doctorultimately at gmail dot com with CHUD AC CONTEST in the subject line. Tell me who your favorite cinematographer is. I just want to know you better. Take me back. We should be together forever.

But I won’t pop the zits on your butt. That’s gross.