What
follows
is a scattershot bit of random thoughts, links, and images that
showcase
the lunacy that exists in the entertainment world and beyond.
Folks
who remember my old missives from the old Steady Leak articles
should
find this kind of stuff familiar. Folks seemed to get a kick out
of
the first installment, and each Wednesday should fall victim to
another
installment. Don’t expect anything deep here but something may
tickle
your fancy.
1. BBQ got a big ego, got outsourced.
I’ve always wanted a line of condiments named after the way Tom Berenger spoke in the last episode of Cheers.
“Rebeccer! Rebeccer!”
2. Finally I found the ride of my XBOX LIVE adversary, the Cobalt Nazi!
Photo by Brad Bishop.
KLNSMAN must have been taken.
3. Lance Buttock came in last.
Photo by Brian Costello.
First of all, this is real. Second of all, it’s gone all viral and shit, which typically defies the point of this column [‘what point?’, you ask]. But it’s still cute and Brian Costello is one of my favorite LOD contributors, so it stays. I don’t have a joke for this. Just look at it a while and let it sink in that sometimes the world just lets good things happen.
4. Ray Ban Ban.
Photo
by Clay Young.
It’s a good thing, because those look like 1970’s era Rapeglasses anyway.
5. WELL AT LEAST YOU AREN’T TEXTING!
Photo by Evan Dickson.
Think about the person that would own this license plate. A few guesses on their state of being:
1. A lot of folks get a vanity plate that sums them up in seven characters or less. I saw THXPOKR yesterday, which I deduced meant that the guy bought his brand new Mercedes with the winnings from a Texas Hold-Em tourney. Good for him. Hope he wasn’t wearing an ‘ood or ‘unglasses. This person’s defining characteristic is that they’re tired. Is there a worse person in the world than a lazy, unmotivated fuck who’s so complacent that they’d get a personalized tag celebrating it? I mean, they could have used the energy they spent going to a government building on something real. I hope this person doesn’t fall asleep at the wheel and crash into the dude driving the car with GR8HAND.
2. Narcoleptic. Probably best not to drive. Or have a license plate, unless it reads GETAWAY.
3. This person got to the first spot in line and simply had no energy to make a decision. The clerk then regurgitated the last thing the person said after paying.
4. This is Tyrese’s less famous cousin. And very slow. And not very furious.
6. The world’s only magical portal to Smitsville.
Photo by John Makarewicz.
John is a real estate broker and this photo was taken in a model home. Someone’s idea of the perfect accessory to a beautiful new place to RAISE YOUR CHILDREN, is a framed photo of Jimmy Smits. In the part of town this model home is located, the prospective buyers are already wincing that Latinos were allowed to BUILD THE DAMN THING. Now there’s one on the end table!
7. Aren’t all geeks one man?
Photo by Nick Nunziata.
I don’t get it. A ‘geek’ in the modern usage is a person who shows the characteristics associated with being a geek. One person. Two people cannot be a geek. It’s an individual title. Every male geek is a one man geek. I would assume this person fixes computers and has no co-workers. They probably go around dropping business cards in free lunch buckets. They are a small business owner. They could have used a collaborator on creating the name of their company.
Hey, I just gave this guy a bunch of traffic. Make it pay off you one man army of 1!
8. “He is Risen!”
Photo by Steve Murphy.
“I like a little creativity in my Nativity. Why not say one of you three wise men bake me up a nice Blueberry Christ and make it snappy. I have a virgin to impregnate.”
9. Um…
Photo by
Steve Murphy.
Most of us can’t read those symbols on the sign. Especially the girl at the bar with that tattooed on her pelvis thinking it means “Sweet Butter Flower” when “Swordsmanship” is actually more applicable.
And do people really want to learn swordsmanship? There’s a level of respect associated with that term, like someone who can slice you into buttons with a blade but has the dignity and grace to know NOT TO. I think if you folks want to sell memberships you should use the Asian ‘SLICE INTO BUTTONS’ symbol.
And have a phone number or something. Otherwise there’s just going to be another Ronin surplus in my town. Dudes wandering around looking for swordsmanship shops.
10. I’m not convinced.
Photo by Steve Murphy.
“I’d like a refund.”
“I had to know for sure.”
“If you guys really put everything on the bagel. I’ve decided you haven’t.”
“Here’s what you missed. Kevlar Vest. Rhea Perlman. Wind Chimes. The U.S.S. Virginian. Rope. A Hamburger. The Hamburglar. Leather. A Harpsichord. Tickets to tonight’s showing of Salt. Feathers. A water balloon. The number Eleven. Fog. My Dad’s Knuckles. The Secret. A Parrot. and the newspaper. I want a goddamned refund”
“Oh.”
By
the way:
“Uncle won’t put his crabs in my fish tank!”