I haven’t done a My Eyes! My Eyes! in a while, because just about all of the movies I’ve seen have appealed to my notorious easy going nature. However there have been 3 films that I’ve seen over the past few months that really really SUCKED. I actually like when this happens, because it reminds me that not every film is “alright” and that there can be honest to goodness movies that even I find shitty.
The Bad News Bears Go To Japan is the one I literally finished about an hour ago. This movie bored me. Badly. Jackie Earle Haley’s character somehow goes from being the awesome bad boy to being a lovestruck teen falling for a young Geisha. Little thunder Tanner is gone as well, and is much missed. Tony Curtis is trying to keep his eyes from rolling, but who can blame him. I can’t believe that the great Bill Lancaster who gave us The Thing, as well as the original Bad News Bears, wrote this. My hope is that this was one of those “They altered the script and what ended up on screen was nothing like the great screenplay” situations. IT HAS TO BE. I don’t even remember laughing once. The only good thing it did was remind me that I need to see my copy of Mr. Baseball again. Now there’s a fish out of water baseball movie in Japan I can stand by. Selleck owns.
Blood Creek. I used a free Redbox rental on this piece of monkey feces and wish I didn’t. All the reviews I’d read led to it being a travesty, and I figured that I’d use my free rental so I wouldn’t regret spending my free rental. I still did. The sad thing is that this could have been an interesting movie, and all it did was rip off the Louisiana based 2005 slasher “Venom” by way of Lucio Fulci’s “The House By The Cemetery”. All I remember is that a Nazi Doctor ends up rooming with a German family living on a farm in rural America, and years later one of his victims escapes his clutches, goes back to his home, gets some guns and enlists the aid of his brother to get revenge. I fell asleep during this movie several times, and that was probably due to me being sleepy from the night before, but the only part I bothered to rewind to was when the villain got killed.
Pandemic is another Redbox rental. There was a review of it on the CHUD main page, and I do not disagree. A movie with some great character actors in it went straight into the toilet and had me surfing the internet for most of it’s running time. Jason Connery directed it, and I liked his other film “The Devil’s Tomb” as a decent genre flick, but Pandemic offered no action, and just people talking, and nothing happening.
Rene’s song of the day: “U Can’t Touch This” by MC Hammer.
Thanks for reading my blog and see you next time!