I used to answer each and every odd and fun question posed on the
message
boards in the old days in these “Your Questions For” threads,
and
the results were often a lot of fun. Basically folks could ask me
anything
they want and I’d answer it honestly, jokingly, or with tons
of
snark. Either way it was fun and it helped to illustrate the
personality
of the site, the readers and their opinions, and answer
questions
for new readers who don’t know what makes the site tick, who
I am,
and why the fuck I am only five foot seven. So, I’ve resurrected
it!
It’d be great to run one of these a week, but that’s up to you! use
the
links at the bottom of the article to contribute.
MichaelM asks:
Brundlefly v.2 from The Fly II?
Answers:
The mutant bear has zero Eric Stoltz in it.
Steve Moonrocket asks:
Is there anything you’ve seen that would qualify for the List of Dumb
and either didn’t have a camera for or couldn’t get it ready in time?
Answers:
All the time. I’ve almost gotten in wrecks trying to get photos and sometimes it’s bad form to walk up to someone and snap a picture of them because they’re ludicrous. There’s a place called Cumming Festival nearby that we’re going to get a shot of soon.
Anakin’s Dad asks:
If you had the Houdini Ticket from The Last Action Hero, what film would
you like to frequent the most? Under the same scenario, which
monster/magical beast would you bring from a film to breed on the earth?
Answers:
One of Lily Thai’s. If it had to be a legit film it’d be fun to hang out in the world of the modern incarnation of Danny Ocean and his boys. Most beasts I’d bring home to roost would end up fucking Earth in the ass. I’ll be nice and say that it’d be adorable to have Pegasii flying around town and us as a race constantly looking up to avoid a giant piece of warm to the face.
Feral Akodon asks:
Are you going to bring more writers to CHUD?
Sort of. Elizabeth Rappe has done a few pieces for us and Renn is become more prominent. But currently we don’t have the resources to grow as I’d like. That said, in the next 3-4 weeks one of the web projects we’ve got coming together will have its coming out party. You’ll notice a drastic uptick in CHUD’s original video content soon therafter.
Timothy Q asks:
News has just come out that Artie Lange stabbed himself 9 times last
Saturday. In your opinion should the Stern Show bring him back or part
ways?
Answers:
I have no opinion of Artie Lange. I don’t think he’s funny at all but the guy has issues so whatever it takes to keep him from going White Chapel on himself again would be nice.
Disciple 72 asks:
Nick, what’s your opinion on The Shield as a series? I remember you did a
DVD review of the first season and loved it, don’t recall much from you
after that. Very curious to know what you think about the finale
especially.
I think The Shield beginning to end is magnificent, visceral, and one of the more consistent shows beginning to end we’ve ever had.
Nekkerbee asks:
recently? Are you willing to give up traditional ownership (and accept
the potential problems this brings) for the sake of platform fluidity?
2) Your spiel about the awfulness of Planet 51 mentions that
access to creative tools should require responsibility on the part of
the creator to use them in a non-awful or non-boring way, or at least a
gatekeeper to help minimize the abundance of crap. Is it better to have
relatively free access to creation tools even if that means more garbage
films (books/music/art/etc.), or should there be more controls in place
to reduce garbage even if it makes it harder for some genuinely
talented people to create art?
Answers:
1. Nope.
2. You can have all the best intentions and the best tools and great people busting their ass and there’s a chance the end result will suck. It’s part of the deal and part of the fun and mystery of the journey. I personally think the more bad shit that goes out there the better chance shit that I do and shit the people I respect do has of being recognized as something of value.
Princess Kate asks:
With the site redesigns coming… will any of the board get deleted?
Should I go through my posting history and save everything I’ve written?
I ask not because I assume there will be technical problems, but
because I’d heard that something similar happened the last time there
were big site changes.
Answers:
There are big changes. Unfortunately the stuff I have NO control over keeps getting ramrodded by techfolk. That said, there will be a new CHUD in less than two months GUARANTEED and the message boards will evolve sooner than then and then the two will be much better joined. As for your posts, they’ll be there but as the poster I get the most email and complaints about I’d rather you focus on every post from today on and realize that just because YOU CAN all the time doesn’t mean YOU SHOULD. Remember that the community is more important than the individual and (and I know you’re trying) try and do your best to lessen the haters and turn them into people who enjoy what you do.
Matalo asks:
For $150,000, would you spend a year only being allowed to hop on one
leg to move around?
Answers:
Nope.
ryoken asks:
-You die, and it turns out Heavn does exist and so does God; you’re
allowed one answer to any question from him/her/it. What would you ask?
-If you could cancel 5 tv shows currently airing, which ones would get
axed?
-Would you sleep with Robert Rdford ine xchange for full financing of
one of your movie projects? (fine, it can be Classic Redford)
-Whats the best “list of dumb” item/encounter you missed a chance to
post about?
Answers:
– My question would be ‘Why don’t you turn everyone who says you’re speaking through them mute?’. That said, I’m going to die and be cremated or buried and that is the absolute end of me. I’m pretty sure of that. Either because there isn’t a Heaven or because I have sucked as a human being.
– American Idol. Dancing With The Stars. America’s Got Talent. So You Think You Can Dance. Real Housewives of _______.
– Yes. I’d sleep with Robert Davi!
– I was at a urinal and a guy farted and tried to mask it by singing ‘Hey Jealousy’.
Feral Akodon asks:
Do you like Lost?
Who would you pick for your dream sitcom?
Answers:
I like Lost. But it lost me about a season and a half before it ended so much that I don’t care not knowing all the details of the ending and where everyone ended up.
And Odd Couple-esque show starring Man-Thing, Swamp Thing, and Erroll Flynn as a fancy botanist.
Schwartz
asks:
What’s the best concert you ever went to?
Which crime drama do you prefer: Breaking Bad or Sons of Anarchy?
Beer in aluminum bottles: who the fuck thought this was a good idea?
For some reason there was a show by an Atlanta band called Follow For Now that sticks out. Otherwise it might have been the Mr. Bungle show we went to before people realized who they were. It was chaos in all the best ways.
Breaking Bad is a much better show but I get more excited about new Sons of Anarchy shows, which is weird because I know how much better Breaking Bad is and know how sometimes Sons is thinly plotted and still totally fall for it.
The same guy who thought making beer commercials about how beer is the best thing in the world was a good idea.
.
Ken Savage asks:
You are asked to be a presenter on Top Gear but have to replace one of
the current crew, which one and why?
If you could travel back in time and give your younger self advice, what
would it be?
What’s the best way to try and turn a half finished novel into a
screenplay? (more advice than a question).
Answers:
Richard Hammond. I love him, but he’s the least in terms of comic timing and overall uniqueness. Plus, we’re close in height I’d bet. Surprisingly, James May is the one guy I can’t get enough of on the show, though he’s the stiffest at presenting. He shines on the video bits though.
Don’t waste so much time giving a shit about what strangers think of you.
Finish the novel first. Anyone can finish a screenplay.
Fat Elvis asks:
1. Did you like The Lost?
2. Favorite NBA Finals?
3. You recently embraced Stallone’s Oscar. How about Rhinestone?
4. Genesis or Exodus?
5. Favorite Jack Nicholson performance and/or movie?
6. Lucas, the definitive Coey Haim? Haimster or Feldog?
7. Frisco Kid, funniest non-Mel Brooks Gene Wilder movie?
8. Kentucky Fried Movie or Amazon Women On The Moon
(or The Groove Tube)?
9. Favorite Iggy Pop/Stooges song?
10 Matinee, ultimate Dante?
11 Blood and Bone or Black Dynamite?
12 Second favorite Stuart Gordon movie?
13 Favorite Blues Brothers moment?
14 Favorite forgotten/overlooked 70’s movie?
15 Favorite Woody Allen movie of the last decade?
1. Answered above, and if it’s a joke question my answer is John Pankow rocks.
2. Any one with Clyde Drexler.
3. Sorta.
4. Neither.
5. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest and The Shining are neck in neck, but his work in The Departed is his best in decades.
6. Silver Bullet, baby! As for Coreys, I prefer zero of them.
7. I was a big Stir Crazy fan back in the day.
8. KFM without batting an eyelash.
9. Search and Destroy.
10. Gremlins, though I think he has it in him to give us one more great one.
11. Black Dynamite.
12. From Beyond.
13. I’m not a real big fan of the film, surprisingly.
14. Watership Down.
15. The Curse of the Jade Scorpion
.
Anyawatchin Angel asks:
2010 baseball predictions?
Do you like the new playoff rule in the NFL?
How long will the 3D trend last?
Answers:
I had a clear idea in March, but now there’s no team that I think is dominant. That said, my Braves and Yankees are in good shape!
I don’t even know what the rule is. Football and I aren’t buddies.
3D is here to stay. And I’m fine with it
.Favorite 80’s Metallica album?
Is Chipper Jones a first ballot Hall of Famer?
Master of Puppets BY FAR.
Not a first ballot, no. That said, he just tied Cal Ripken Jr. for home runs. I think he needs to finish this year strong and come back for one more to lock his first ballot status. That said, I’m just about positive he’s gone after 2010.
2. How do I train my Dagon?
3. How do I run Go, Diego, Go! over with a train?
4. If there’s no such thing as free will, consciousness is an illusion,
events in the universe are merely proceeding from the big bang
according to the laws of physics, and therefore there really is such a
thing as fate, then should I really feel bad about eating that extra
slice of pizza last night?
Answers:
1. With Peter MacNichol nearby.
2. CAREFULLY.
3. I am mystified.
4. Nope, you live once and I’m pretty sure more pizza is better than less.
Just ordered the VHS for an old Cannon production, Down Twisted
off eBay. I’ll be watching it soon. Have you ever see or hear of this
epic Charles Rocket/Carey Lowell action vehicle?
Rate my current Netflix haul: Shoot to Kill, The Fury, Off
Limits.
Leviathan or DeepStar Six? (Please tell me you say Leviathan.)
A pro wrestler named Jack Swagger is apparently pretty damn popular
right now. A very manly name, but I’m sure you could throw out some more
testosterone-powered names. Care to offer some insight?
If Gary Busey and Nick Nolte ran for President and Vice President in
2012, would you vote for them?
Answers:
I had cable in the 80’s, so YES.
Shoot to Kill’s kinda good. The Fury’s kinda good. Off Limits is kinda good. How ’bout the scene where Willem Dafoe defines the term “wiry” when he runs down the street like Charlotte Rampling’s life depended on it?
DUH. Fuck Tauren Blaque.
Bulkhead Claymore. Titanium Donut. Fistspeak Williams. Tuff McTuffington. Mr. Enamel.
It depends on where Jake and Brawley fit into this equation.
graphic adventure game “Full Throttle” written and directed by the
game’s creator Tim Schafer (“Day Of The Tentacle”, “Grim Fandango”,
“Psychonauts”)?
2. Do you think Joss Whedon is a good fit for “The Avengers”?
3. Which audio technician thriller do you prefer: Brian De Palma’s “Blow
Out” or Francis Ford Coppola’s “The Conversation”?
4. What’s your opinion of these George Roy Hill films starring Paul
Newman: “Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid”, “The Sting” and “Slap
Shot”?
5. What do you think of the idea of Quentin Tarantino recasting The
Bride’s daughter B.B. with Chloë Grace Moretz (Hit Girl from “Kick-Ass”)
for the upcoming “Kill Bill” sequel?
6. What’s your take on the Richard Donner film “Conspiracy Theory”?
7. Which writer/director combination would you rather see tackle the
“Buffy The Vampire Slayer” movie reboot: Diablo Cody/Sam Raimi, Jane
Goldman/Matthew Vaughn or Charlie Kaufman/Michel Gondry?
8. Other than telling him not to make it, what advice would you give
Steven Spielberg for “Indiana Jones 5”?
9. Which of these upcoming films are you excited about: “Ant-Man”
(Edgar Wright), “At The Mountains Of Madness” (Guillermo Del Toro),
“Balls To The Wall” (Matthew Vaughn), “Battle Angel” (James Cameron),
“The Cabin In The Woods” (Drew Goddard), “Doc Savage” (Shane Black),
“The Green Hornet” (Michel Gondry), “Hobo With A Shotgun” (Jason
Eisner), “L.A.P.I.” (Jody Hill), “Paul” (Greg Mottola), “Mission:
Impossible IV” (Brad Bird), “Red State” (Kevin Smith), “Sucker Punch”
(Zack Snyder), “Warcraft” (Sam Raimi), “Your Highness” (David Gordon
Green)?
10. Which sci-fi universe would you rather see Quentin Tarantino set a
film in: “Star Trek” or “Star Wars”?
11. If the Spider-Man reboot underperforms, what are the chances Sam
Raimi would get another shot at bringing “Spider-Man 4” to the screen
with the original cast?
12. What are your top 5 favorite foreign language films?
13. Now that Guillermo Del Toro has left “The Hobbit”, which directors
do you think have what it takes to fill his shoes?
Answers:
1. I very would.
2. Nope.
3. The Conversation by a million miles.
4. Great. Great. Overrated.
5. Too geeky. Like we need any more fucking Kill Bill. We had too much already!
6. It is an abomination.
7. Kaufman/Gondry.
8. Wait until George dies.
9. I’m only looking forward to Guillermo’s Lovecraft flick. Many of those filmmakers I’m not a fan of and the others I’d rather see them doing other stuff with their skill.
10. Star Wars. I’m tired of celebs showing up in Star Trek films, Christian Slater excepted.
11. Zero. Those movies funded the rest of their lives and now they’re free of them. They win.
12. Let me answer this after I watch The White Ribbon.
13. I think it needs to be a relatively unknown person guided by the amazing machine already in place from soup to nuts. I think Peter Jackson is wasting his time if he does them.
were in a tournament what would be your:
fatality? (yeah you can have 2)
friendship?
animality?
Answers:
Whatever it would take to make Mortal Kombat go away.
Be honest!
Answers:
Ace Frehley.