STUDIO: Grimoire
MSRP: $26.98
RUNNING TIME: 104 minutes
• Not much

The Pitch

An alternate world is full of dirtbags. Watch their adventures.

The Humans

Bill Zebub, Peter Steele, Kerri Taylor, Elyse Cheri and Suzi Lorraine

The Nutshell

A female goddess appears and informs us of the multiple realities in existence. She provides a spiel about an alternate world full of dirtbags and then we get to the meat of the film. The meat being nearly two hours of directionless meanderings that feature some decent camera work. This comes after the viewing clips and tips that I decided to illustrate below. Read those tips and commit them to memory.

Another way to configure your DVD player is to unplug it from the fucking wall.

The Lowdown

Dirtbags is
another terrible film from Bill Zebub Productions. There’s a bunch of loose stories that feature Bill Zebub as the hero. He’s dealing with a bunch of dirtbags that keep him from the girl he wants and the life he wants to live. While fighting against the odds, he flips off the camera and drops a few slurs. When you get around the posturing and the faux rebel characters, you’ve got nothing. It’s akin to public access broadcasting in low-rent rural locales. A bunch of kids that desperately want to be taken seriously by an audience that’s too hopped up on goof juice to give a damn.

The film is a remake of a 2002 prior work from Zebub.  I haven’t had the chance to view it, but I don’t feel like I’m missing anything essential. That’s why I’m asking Bill Zebub to prove the point of this film. You shot it twice and obviously gave a little thought to its construction. What is the damn point of this film? Don’t give me some bullshit answer about how it’s guerilla cinema. There’s nothing subversive here. All we have is a paper thin story about a bunch of assholes fucking each over. There’s no point to the action we see at minute 1 to minute 104. You can buy a copy of the Poetics from Amazon and try to Robert McKee your way through it. Zebub has to understand that there is a need for a narrative underlined by a compulsory directive.

What kills me about this film is that there will still be some fucktards that will want to draw comparisons to John Waters and Ed Wood. The difference between their work and this film is that you were dealing with people that love cinema. Sure, they were unskilled in the basics of film grammar, but they cared. There’s no passion to the direction and it shows. Any asshole with a camera can make a Bill Zebub movie. I feel bad using the guy’s name as an adjective as that implies there’s a slight bit of auteurship. There is no cinematic master to this beast. Dirtbags is a foul creature that demands to be put down in the dregs of forgotten lore. Don’t watch this film, forget about it.

I don’t tell you how to make shitty movies, you don’t tell me how to do my infrequent hobby.

The Package

comes with a case for the disc. There’s box art and some plastic to keep it shiny. When the disc is not in the player, you can fling it like a novelty flying disc. You may want to fling it into your garbage can. Make sure to pour coffee grounds and dirt upon the disc. If possible, wrap it in gas soaked rags and try to burn this crap. Only together can we stand up to bad cinema.

0.8 out of 10