The eyebrows of Colin Farrell are going to be fighting for your focus for the first time in their eyebrow lives as fangs enter the picture. That’s two phenomenal features on an Irishman [first time for everything I suppose], talk about an embarrassment of riches. Serious, Mr. Farrell’s eyebrows are so fanciful that I’m having a hot flash right now and I’m straight. Not straight were a chunk of Fright Night‘s delightful Stephen Geoffreys’ porn films under the moniker of Jack Skinner. He took it HARD after Fraternity Vacation and Fright Night, giving and receiving massive bounties of sperm all the while having fans like me hoping he snapped out of it in time to do a sequel to Heaven Help Us.

But this is a Fright Night remake article, so enough about the gay porn career of Stephen Geoffreys, whose amazing work as Evil Ed in the Tom Holland original helped elevate it from cool flick to 80’s horror classic.

Before I forget though, one of my first 14.4 baud image downloads on the Prodigy network was the result of a search for Stephen Geoffreys, one which revealed slowly over the course of about five minutes his naked flesh and he was pounded by oily, naked pa-heeenis. I was searching for a desktop of a great genre character and I got homosex.

Of course I let the download finish. I treated it as 976-EVIL extended universe material. I think Stephen Geoffreys is less aerodynamic after that video shoot.

So there’s a Fright Night remake coming, one with no director I could find. Maybe it’s a secret. Maybe my research is ass. Maybe they’re going to hire someone after production to direct it. I can think of a few studios who’d like it that way. In addition to Anton Yelchin (whom I’m sure is a good guy but has been the weak link in most films I’ve seen him in) and Toni Collette, Farrell makes a triumverate to be reckoned with. He’ll play Jerry Dandridge, the evil lead vampire originally essayed by the most boring man in film history, Chris Sarandon.

Could be interesting, could be a pounding headache.

Which reminds me of Stephen Geoffreys’ gay porn career…