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04/12 – If you’re going to eat astronaut food, at least make sure it’s official.


Photo by Nick Nunziata.

I probably would never eat beef stew dinner in my life if I had a choice. It’s what I used to call ‘steel worker food’ as a child. A bunch of shit in a pot served piping hot for when you return home from a long day in the cold doing stuff with your gloved hands. I was totally condescending. Totally ignorant. Yet it’s true, I was prejudiced against steel worker food. Beef stew. The argument for beef stew is that it sticks to your ribs. The argument against that argument is that snot also would stick to your ribs.

But toss the word ASTRONAUT in front of anything and it’s better. for example.

ASTRONAUT holocaust.
ASTRONAUT watermelon slice.
ASTRONAUT kitten.

Shit, you can even put the word last and it still takes a benign sentence into the cosmos.

Newborn ASTRONAUT.
Gingerbread ASTRONAUT.
Quixodic ASTRONAUT.
Black ASTRONAUT.
Ripley’s Believe it ASTRONAUT.

But OFFICIAL ASTRONAUT BEEF STEW SPACE DINNER can change your life. It’s official. And as good as the word astronaut is when combined with the culinary world it pales in comparison to SPACE.

Space Dinner. Are you fucking me? There is simply nothing dumber and as a result nothing greater.

Space Dinner.