And on the eighth day God created stereoscopic filmmaking and He said ‘Fuck yes, this is the future of filmmaking!’
Wait, no He didn’t. God isn’t as perfect as we all thought, is he? It’s up to Hollywood to fix that error, and a guy named Cary Granat is stepping up to the plate. Besides having a name that sounds like the Flintstones version of Cary Grant, Granat was once the head of Walden Media, where he ushered into existence movies that pandered to the Christian conservative audiences.
This movie, called In the Beginning, is a 3D adaptation of The Book of Genesis and will cost a measly 30 million bucks (I guess Adam and Eve don’t have large wardrobe budgets), and is being written by the guy who brought us Young Guns, John Fusco, who recently wrote The Forbidden Kingdom (which I actually quite liked). It’s being directed by David Cunningham, the guy who made the horrible Path to 9/11 miniseries and the even more horrible The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising for Walden. Paramount is on this nonsense.
Here’s the question: how will Adam and Eve be portrayed? Will they be white people, which wouldn’t be correct by any interpretation of the beginnings of mankind? And will this film be presenting Genesis as myth – like Clash of the Titans presents Greek myth – or will it be aimed at the utter morons who believe in Creationism? Or will it try to have it both ways? I’m betting both ways.
And there are more questions: will Lilith be making an appearance? Will we figure out how the fuck Cain and Abel get married when their mom and dad were the only people on Earth? How far into Genesis does 30 million take you? Will I get to see Eve’s tittays in 3D? And Adam’s big old schlong? And wouldn’t it be cool if the film tried to have it both ways and made these fuckers into monkey people?
via Deadline Hollywood