The image above is really all I need to convey the mood of this article but what the hell, you clicked. Let’s beef that generic result of internet muscle memory with a little reward.

I haven’t seen Arthur since it came out in theaters in 1981 [Roswell Mall, when the theater was upstairs next to The Happy Wok] but I remember it being a funny and beautiful little movie. The relationship between Dudley Moore and John Gielgud was heads and shoulders more rewarding than most I can remember in films before and after. That said, it’s been almost thirty years since I’ve seen the film so my memory could just be sucking down massive ass milkshakes right now.

Jesus. I need about fifty Advils having realized that. Thirty years.

Anyway, I really do not like Russell Brand. At all. Forgetting Sarah Marshall has its moments and he has some moments but upon realizing that I wasn’t seeing a performance but rather Russell Brand and his real schtick and real hair I quickly made a decision that he was not for me. He’s going to be playing the Dudley Moore role in a remake of Arthur directed by a guy involved in that Modern Family show with Ed O’Neill and the guy who played a smug cock in the Dawn of the Dead remake.

Dudley Moore has just passed the freshness date for being able to legally spin in his grave, so I’m considering buying a crankshaft and other rudimentary spinning aids and heading to his New Jersey gravesite to help him.

Want to read actual data about this Russell Brand remake shit? Be my guest.