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03/02 – One of the lesser nursery rhymes..


Photo by Clay Young.

First of all, I hate when there’s an oldbaby in my tub. Seriously that looks like the head of a Fortune 500 company exec stuck onto a toddler’s form, which is rude. He looks like he’s saying “Are the midterm reports in for the debt ratio analysis?” when he should be saying “Penis in tub! Penis in tub!”.

Rub a dub, dub… is Cancer in your tub? That’s just weak songwriting, Petey. *

It doesn’t have the bite of ‘Jack and Jill went up the hill’ or ‘Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall…”

It’s one of them new postmodern nursery rhymes. Like…

Jack Sprat could eat no fat
His wife could eat no lean
And so betwixt the two of them
Got strung out on meth and died poor

Georgie Porgie, puddin’ and pie,
Kissed the boys and made them cry.
When the boys came out,
Georgie Porgie stayed the fuck in the closet.
What a douche

Little Boy Blue, come blow your horn,
The sheep’s in the meadow, the cow’s in the corn.
Where is the boy who looks like a sheep?
He’s at the freakshow, fast asleep.
Will you wake him?
No, not I,
For if I do, he’s sure to turn this town into an X-Files case

Birds of a feather flock together,
Because they are goddamn animals

I was told you can’t get AIDS from a door handle and that you can’t get Cancer from a tub. Has Big Brother fucked me in the ass AGAIN?

*Wait, maybe the kid’s name is Cancer and this is just a declarative bit of tomfoolery.