Fuck you, Live Free or Die Hard.


Honestly, I blame you. Yes, you, the guy who paid money to see Live Free or Die Hard, the PG-13 clusterfuck of a Die Hard film. By making that film a hit you’ve not only dragged this exhausted franchise out for another installment, you’ve probably made sure the next one is PG-13 as well.

Listen, we all make mistakes. It’s not too late to correct this last one, and it’ll be very easy for you to do so: don’t go see the next Die Hard movie. Talking at the press day for Cop Out Bruce Willis says there is another in the offing, which could shoot next year, but it’s really important that you just don’t go see it. Unless it’s rated R. I know it’s stupid to boycott a movie based on the rating, but I think Live Free or Die Hard truly showed that some films need to be R-rated. Otherwise you end up in silly cartoon territory like that last film.

But since the last movie did so well at a PG-13 I doubt the next will return to the good old swearing days of the John McClane of yore. And since Bruce Willis tells MTV that he would love to get Len Wiseman back again, I would expect the same kind of over the top, truly not Die Hard action in the next installment.

But what would McClane do now that he’s defeated the internet? “It’s got to go worldwide,” the actor said about the potential plotline. “That would be my contribution to it.”

Great! So jokes about crepes and English teeth, as John McClane battles a robotic version of the Eiffel Tower. Guh.