You should probably quit reading this right now because nothing I am about to tell you is as satisfying as the image conjured up by that headline – a Nazi battling a wussy vampire while surrounded by clowns.

You’ve been warned.

According to Frau Blucher Finke at Deadline Hollywood, Christoph Waltz has been signed on to star in Water For Elephants, a movie to be directed by I Am Legend‘s Francis Lawrence. Waltz will be stepping in for Sean Penn in the role of an animal trainer at a circus who is abusive not just to his beasts but his wife, played by Reese Witherspoon. When Robert Pattinson’s vet student arrives at this Depression-era circus, a love triangle blooms.

Why the hell is Francis Lawrence making this movie? So weird. I bet he inexplicably makes all the animals CGI.