I figured in addition to the large List of Dumb
columns that run a couple of times a month it’d be good to give folks a
daily dose, since there’s absolutely no shortage of dumb shit out there
in the world. Help keep this thing going by sending your DUMBS to me
through THIS LINK.
Also, please spread the word through your Tweets and Facebook and
MySpace updates. Though CHUD.com’s not for everyone, stuff like this is!
02/14 – NEWS FLASH

Photo by Nick Nunziata.

Note: News Flash headline grabs aren’t really about the news. It’s about the headline. I’ll spoil it for you and tell you that no one died in the derailment. Doesn’t change my jokes.

What if a train derailment didn’t affect passengers? Even if they aren’t physically mauled by the derailing doesn’t ANY train derailment affect the passengers of another train?

“Hmmmm, that train flew off the tracks and into the woods. I’m on a train. There’s the woods buzzing by me at sixty miles an hour. I’m in a metal box hurtling through the world without a seatbelt on surrounded by poles and glass and pointy things. Good thing I’m on a train and not something unsafe like a train.”

What if the Amtrak train derailed? Would THAT affect them?

“I am figuratively and literally being shred alive by shrapnel and intrusive chunks of nature. I suppose Unbreakable wasn’t about me. Ow!”

Derailed trains affect us all, not just the traingoing public. It’s 2010 and large metal boxes are shooting around on rails. We should be riding Nutrient Beams across Sky Tubes whilst sipping Electric Jazz Juice, yet we’re having freight trains interfere with our already shoddy train journeys?

Yeah, we’re all affected.