I figured in addition to the large List of Dumb
columns that run a couple of times a month it’d be good to give folks a
daily dose, since there’s absolutely no shortage of dumb shit out there
in the world. Help keep this thing going by sending your DUMBS to me
through THIS LINK.
Also, please spread the word through your Tweets and Facebook and
MySpace updates. Though CHUD.com’s not for everyone, stuff like this is!
02/13 – “Sir, I’d like a refund, this product wasn’t a total piece of cheap dick.”

Photo by Stephen Hauk.

There’s not much that should cost a dollar. Dollar stores scare the night terrors into me, because most of what’s in there is worse than being touched by Man-Thing. Dollar stores are good if you need napkins or toothpicks or soap. Or if you want a G.I. Joe action figure knockoff made in the rainforest by blind tree goblins. But for the most part it’s a place to accumulate really bad shit. Candy brands that don’t even exist. Birthday decorations not approved by the FDA or Moses. And stupid shit you cannot believe can be manufactured without science or religion stepping in. In a way dollar stores are beautiful in the same way a really genuine slum is. Or a burned-out auto garage. Beautiful because there’s a glimpse of something there you normally wouldn’t or shouldn’t see. Problem is, there are people affected by it. In the case of a dollar stores, somewhere there is a child about to be penetrated by a shard of imitation plastic elbow from a Borbie Doll that cannot withstand the G-force of a hug.

So, yeah… stuff more than a dollar has a fighting chance of being not shit.