is going to be a great year for movies. I’m confident of this. Since
we’re in this ride together I figured we’d get ready for the year in a
fun and exciting new way. First, over the course of the next fifteen
weekdays we’re going to highlight one mainstream film a day. Some of
them are slam dunks, some of them have a cloud of trouble floating
above them, but all represent a great way to spend a Friday night at
the movie theater even if it results in you ripping its ass thereafter.

of the things this site is built on is a love of movies. Some folks
think we’ve let some of that go by the wayside. I disagree, but
regardless, I want 2010 to be a year where this site restores some of
that wonder. Though the glass can never truly be half-full in a
business so driven by rehashes and hollow entertainment, we’re going to
have fun with it and prepare you guys with as many tools as possible to
make the moviegoing experience worth it. Especially as the internet
gets more and more bogged down with people who have no right serving as
an authority of film blabbering all over blogs and Twitter and beyond.

There’s a reason you come here.

Day Ten

Piranha 3-D
Directed by Alexandre Aja
Elizabeth Shue, Ving Rhames, Dina Meyer, Christopher Lloyd, Richard Dreyfus, Jerry O’Connell, Adam Scott, Kelly Brook
Written by Alexandre Aja, Josh Stolberg, Pete Goldfinger, & Grégory Levasseur

The Gist
Small fish hate you and bite you! And they come at you in one more dimension than you’re used to!

A filmmaker known for gore and pushing buttons tackles the highest concept and the lowest common denominator in one fell swoop. The rivers will run red, flesh will be rendered useless, and fearless little swimmers will poop little bits of human after the fiesta.

What in the name of the Sword of Shannara more do you need?

Oh and did I mention that they’re PREHISTORIC piranhas? And that KNB is involved in the effects?

Participants to Watch
Elizabeth Shue has a spotty track record with horror. In fact, it’s a nightmare. I don’t think she needs to man up like Bridget Fonda did in Lake Placid [“Stop throwing heads at me!”], but will she at least play it straight as piss and not make it seem like the material is beneath her. And believe me, it isn’t. Laurence Olivier’s regretting his death right now or else he’d be in this bitch.

Richard Dreyfus didn’t punch Devin on the set of this, so maybe he’s due for another aquatic success. It’s proven that Richard Dreyfus films set around the water only work if he doesn’t punch Devin.

Alexandre Aja can go from being the maker of rough and disturbing niche horror films to being the best French dude on Earth if he pulls this off.

The Buzz
Could you imagine if there was buzz for a 3-D piranha movie?

Best Case

It’s a 3-D piranha attack movie directed with an eye for the Grand Guignol.

Worst Case
The movie is reshot and released sans fish as a Jane Austen adaptation.

CHUD’s Prognosis
The world needs this.

Useful links
MySpace Page
Semi-uncomfortable Elizabeth Shue interview on the film
Great gory pictures

Not Useful Links

Discuss this column here.

Tomorrow: A film that’s hard to get too excited about!