Nunziata May Cry.

I don’t remember which video game magazine it was because I read just about all of them except GamePro [because it is balls, and Play also tests my resolve from time to time with their “We Masturbate to Anime” tendencies] but whomever it was tossed an unholy hand grenade of untruth at me with a comment about the action series Devil May Cry. They said it had one of the coolest names ever for a video game.

Wrong. It is one of the dumbest names ever for a video game.

Devil May Cry. It looks like someone spun the random word wheel and lost.

With games out there named God of War [which is similar to and owes a debt to Devil May Cry in structure except it’s much better] and Assassin’s Creed and Balloon Fight, it’s really hard to find much value in the name, one which I had always assumed was one that suffered in translation as it made its way from Bukkaketown to our Golden Coast. Just another one of those things that sounds good to the ear as one is buying soiled panties from a vending machine but has no place in regular conversation.

It doesn’t help my bias when I played the game and found it pretty but somewhat repetitive and boring after a while. It’s one of those games that really nails the presentation angle, but at the end of the day it doesn’t do enough to set itself apart as anything but a hybrid of Ninja Gaiden and Dynasty Warriors games. Plus, the guy has a cockhuge sword. I am so tired of gigantic swords on a guy. Cloud in Final Fantasy is the beginning and end of that whole fad and when I see a guy running around with a giant sword all I can think about is how fucked he is if he misses. It’s the Ming Dynasty Field General in me.

Speaking of, he’s small but still uncomfortable in there.

Style over substance is job #1 in action video games. The stuff that has the most sizzle gets the most acclaim. Men, particularly video gaming men, are distracted by shiny objects and I can’t exactly fault them for it, but thumb busters get old quick and the repeated success of these games means I’m going to have to see the silly-ass Devil May Cry moniker for many years to come.

Devil May Cry is Dumb.

- Nick Nunziata often employs a ‘Devil May Care’ attitude but a ‘Devil May Cry’ attitude is for pussies and Commies.


CHUD Dictionary Entry:

Kruller: (noun) A Glaived Donut.