Here’s your list followed by my bullshit.

Best Motion Picture – Drama

Avatar (review)
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterds
Precious: Based On The Novel Push By Sapphire
Up In The Air

Of this group I wouldn’t mind seeing Quentin, Reitman, or Bigelow’s flick win. As much as I love the blue-skin flick, it’s not an awards film. I haven’t seen the beloved Oprah movie, but only because I’m racist and sexist.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama

Emily Blunt – The Young Victoria
Sandra Bullock – The Blind Side
Helen Mirren – The Last Station
Carey Mulligan – An Education
Gabourey Sidibe – Precious: Based On The Novel Push By Sapphire

I want to pee pee into Emily Blunt but haven’t seen any of these films so I’ll go with Helen Mirren because she was naked as heck in Caligula.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama

Jeff Bridges – Crazy Heart
George Clooney – Up In The Air
Colin Firth – A Single Man
Morgan Freeman – Invictus
Tobey Maguire – Brothers

I am dying to see the new Bridges and would bet he rocks ass. Clooney is phenomenal and so was Maguire, but everything I hear tells me that Firth owns Earth this year. Freeman as Mandela? Yawn.

Best Motion Picture – Musical Or Comedy

(500) Days Of Summer
The Hangover
It’s Complicated
Julie & Julia

Things that are dumb: Mixing Comedy and Musicals In One Category. Nine will win because it’s a goddamn awards plea bargain in filmic form. That said, Nancy Meyers can urinate away.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy

Sandra Bullock – The Proposal
Marion Cotillard – Nine
Julia Roberts – Duplicity
Meryl Streep – It’s Complicated
Meryl Streep – Julie & Julia

Julia Roberts was fantastic in that flick. In fact, that flick is fantastic. Underappreciated as bun. Cotillard pissed me off in Public Enemies so I’ll go with Bullock because they’ll want to make up for the sinful omission of her work in Two if by Sea.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Musical Or Comedy

Matt Damon – The Informant!
Daniel Day-Lewis – Nine
Robert Downey Jr. – Sherlock Holmes
Joseph Gordon-Levitt – (500) Days Of Summer
Michael Stuhlbarg – A Serious Man

A great grouping. Seriously. Damon or Stuhlbarg please.

Best Performance by an Actress In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture

Penélope Cruz – Nine
Vera Farmiga – Up In The Air
Anna Kendrick – Up In The Air
Mo’nique – Precious: Based On The Novel Push By Sapphire
Julianne Moore – A Single Man

Will Mo’nique get rewarded for Beerfest? Julianne Moore is so good all the time I’d never discourage a win from her. The two airgirls will split the vote but I saw Vera’s bush in Running Scared! And it was great!

Best Performance by an Actor In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture

Matt Damon – Invictus
Woody Harrelson – The Messenger
Christopher Plummer – The Last Station
Stanley Tucci – The Lovely Bones
Christoph Waltz – Inglourious Basterds

It’s gotta be Waltz, even though he should use his newfound cachet and buy the last two letters of his name. I hear Tucci is great though but how much of a stretch is it to bind and mutilate children for a Hollywood vet?

Best Animated Feature Film

Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs
Fantastic Mr. Fox
The Princess And The Frog

Fuck Coraline. That’s all I got. Up or Fox needs to run with this.

Best Foreign Language Film

Baaria (Italy)
Broken Embraces (Spain)
The Maid (La Nana) (Chile)
A Prophet (Un Prophete) (France)
The White Ribbon (Das Weisse Band – Eine Deutsche Kindergeschichte) (Germany)

I want to see The White Ribbon so much. SO MUCH.

Best Director – Motion Picture

Kathryn Bigelow – The Hurt Locker
James Cameron – Avatar
Clint Eastwood – Invictus
Jason Reitman – Up In The Air
Quentin Tarantino – Inglourious Basterds

Tough one. I kinda want the lady to pull this one off, even though the last fifteen minutes of her flick keep it from being a classic for me. That said, Quentin directed the shit out of his flick.

Best Screenplay – Motion Picture

District 9- Written by Neill Blomkamp, Terri Tatchell
The Hurt Locker -Written by Mark Boal
Inglourious Basterds – Written by Quentin Tarantino
It’s Complicated – Written by Nancy Meyers
Up In The Air – Written by Jason Reitman, Sheldon Turner

Quentin. His massive chunks of words were actually all worth hearing! Still smarting from Death Proof

Best Original Score – Motion Picture

Up Composed by Michael Giacchino
The Informant! Composed by Marvin Hamlisch
Avatar Composed by James Horner
A Single Man Composed by Abel Korzeniowski
Where The Wild Things Are Composed by Karen O and Carter Burwell

Hamlish. Sorry, Wild Things.

Best Original Song – Motion Picture

“Cinema Italiano” – Nine
“I See You” – Avatar
“I Want To Come Home” – Everybody’s Fine
“The Weary Kind (Theme From Crazy Heart)” – CrazyHeart
“Winter” – Brothers

From all accounts, the Crazy Heart tune is fabulous. Not fabulous, U2. Also heard that the Nine tune is amazing. We’ll see.

Now for television, where the most stupid shit gets awarded.

Best Television Series – Drama

Big Love (HBO)
House (FOX)
Mad Men (AMC)
True Blood (HBO)

Of the choices, Mad Men or Dexter. I cannot tell you how much House needs to go away. It just needs to not BE. Where is Breaking Bad? The Shield ended this year. Is that eligible?

Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series – Drama

Glenn Close – Damages (FX NETWORK)
January Jones – Mad Men (AMC)
Julianna Margulies – The Good Wife (CBS)
Anna Paquin – True Blood (HBO)
Kyra Sedgwick – The Closer (TNT)


Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series – Drama

Simon Baker – The Mentalist (CBS)
Michael C. Hall – Dexter (SHOWTIME)
Jon Hamm – Mad Men (AMC)
Hugh Laurie – House (FOX)
Bill Paxton – Big Love (HBO)

If Hugh Lauris wins I’ll sit in my chair and simmer angrily and have no effect on anything at all. Hamm or Hall, please.

Best Television Series – Musical Or Comedy

30 Rock (NBC)
Entourage (HBO)
Glee (FOX)
Modern Family (ABC)
The Office (NBC)

I don’t care what you guys say about Glee. I will never fall in line with it. The Office has gotten stale. Entourage isn’t worthy.  Guess that means 30 Rock. That said, if Nip/Tuck was in this category it’d win. Fuck, when it wants to be, Rescue Me is funnier than most of these.

Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series – Musical Or Comedy

Toni Collette – United States Of Tara (SHOWTIME)
Courteney Cox – Cougar Town (ABC)
Edie Falco – Nurse Jackie (SHOWTIME)
Tina Fey – 30 Rock (NBC)
Lea Michele – Glee (FOX)

I don’t care. Tina I guess, but from what little I’ve seen, Collette is incredible.

Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series – Musical Or Comedy

Alec Baldwin – 30 Rock (NBC)
Steve Carell – The Office (NBC)
David Duchovny – Californication (SHOWTIME)
Thomas Jane – Hung (HBO)
Matthew Morrison – Glee (FOX)

I don’t care!

Best Mini-Series Or Motion Picture Made for Television

Georgia O’Keeffe (LIFETIME)
Grey Gardens (HBO)
Into The Storm (HBO)
Little Dorrit (PBS)
Taking Chance (HBO)

I don’t care!

Best Performance by an Actress In A Mini-series or Motion Picture Made for Television

Joan Allen – Georgia O’Keeffe (LIFETIME)
Drew Barrymore – Grey Gardens (HBO)
Jessica Lange – Grey Gardens (HBO)
Anna Paquin – The Courageous Heart Of Irena (CBS)
Sigourney Weaver – Prayers For Bobby (LIFETIME)

I don’t care!

Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television

Kevin Bacon – Taking Chance (HBO)
Kenneth Branagh – Wallander: One Step Behind (BBC)
Chiwetel Ejiofor – Endgame (PBS)
Brendan Gleeson – Into The Storm (HBO)
Jeremy Irons – Georgia O’Keeffe (LIFETIME)

I haven’t seen dick.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television

Jane Adams – Hung (HBO)
Rose Byrne – Damages (FX NETWORK)
Jane Lynch – Glee (FOX)
Janet McTeer – Into The Storm (HBO)
Chloe Sevigny – Big Love (HBO)

I hear Lynch is great. I love her face. Hope she wins and the show gets canceled.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television

Michael Emerson – Lost (ABC)
Neil Patrick Harris – How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
William Hurt – Damages (FX NETWORK)
John Lithgow – Dexter (SHOWTIME)
Jeremy Piven – Entourage (HBO)

I don’t think Lithgow was as good as Smits last year, sorry folks. This is a nice group of dudes.