The film industry may be the least subtle industry on the planet, but goddamn is this cash-in obvious.

Fallen is a teen series by author Lauren Kate that, according to THR revolves around “an alienated girl torn between two charismatic young men, unaware that they are fallen angels who have battled over her for centuries.” Disney has optioned said series (all four books!) and are putting them into production.

Think that sounds obvious? Try this shit (pulled from Amazon’s product description) on for size:

There’s something achingly familiar about Daniel Grigori.

Mysterious and aloof, he captures Luce Price’s attention from the moment she sees him on her first day at the Sword & Cross boarding school in sultry Savannah, Georgia. He’s the one bright spot in a place where cell phones are forbidden, the other students are all screw-ups, and security cameras watch every move.

Even though Daniel wants nothing to do with Luce–and goes out of his way to make that very clear–she can’t let it go. Drawn to him like a moth to a flame, she has to find out what Daniel is so desperate to keep secret . . . even if it kills her.

Dangerously exciting and darkly romantic, Fallen is a page turning thriller and the ultimate love story.

Well why the fuck not? Swap out retarded but lofty sounding vampiric and lycanthropic mythology for epic and highly-simplified biblical babble and voila, you’ve got some coattails to ride! If you’re going to rip off the popular property, do it like you mean it. The same wonderfuls behind The Tooth Fairy will be getting this into gear for Disney. I have a feeling it will shoot in Savannah, so I get to have Twilight-light filming in my backyard.


You and me. We’re pitching “Twilight with Chupacabras” on the MESSAGE BOARD today.