Sylvester Stallone has said that Rambo 5 will no longer have the psychotic Vietnam vet hunting down a monster. So while there will be no Rambo: The Savage Hunt, Sly does still own the book Hunter upon which the film was to be based and intends to use another lead character in a movie adaptation.

Looking at Sly’s ouevre, which characters most cry out for a chance to hunt monsters? Here are five that I think are perfectly suited for the task.

Stud from Party at Kitty and Stud’s. Years past the sexual revolution, hard dancing, hard screwing Italian Stallion Stud has made it big in biochem, but the reason for his success is selfish: he’s been searching for a cure for the STD that has haunted him all these decades. Desperate, Stud begins human trials too early and turns an innocent woman into a hideous cold sore beast. Faced with the consequences of his actions, Stud must track her down and stop her. Working title: The Savage Cunt.

Freddy Heflin from Copland. Now totally deaf, Heflin is retired. But when ‘Superboy’ Babitch gets out of prison, now armed with sonic wigger rap skills thanks to an unethical jailhouse mad scientist, only Heflin can track him down and withstand his awful, slightly off the beat rhymes. Working title: Huh?

Sgt. Joe Bomowski from Stop, or My Mom Will Shoot! Unable to deal with the death of his beloved mother, Bomowski hooks up with a black market Chinese clone factory to bring her back. When the procedure goes awry, creating a hideous and feral Estelle Getty that feeds on human flesh (to be played via mocap by Andy Serkis), Bomowski must get out his mother’s favorite gun and put this bitch to sleep. Working title: Stop, or My Mom Will Eat Your Liver!

Det. Sgt. Deke DaSilva from Nighthawks. In his golden years Deke DaSilva has taken a job as the security guard at a small lab just outside of Westchester. What he doesn’t know is that the lab is engaging in highly dangerous genetics work, and one night their most fearsome creation – a bird of prey whose DNA has been merged with a medieval knight – breaks out and begins wreaking havoc on the outside world. Deke was in the bathroom, dealing with his sluggish prostate at the time of the escape and he blames himself, so he goes on the trail of the jousting bird to end its reign of terror. Working title: Knighthawks.

Gabe Walker from Cliffhanger. Gabe comes to New York City to meet up with his old friend Hal Tucker (Michael Rooker). As the two get to the observation deck atop the Empire State Building, Hal’s head is suddenly ripped from his shoulders by the bird-serpent monster Quetzalcoatl. Gabe uses his mountaineering skills to navigate new mountains – those of New York City’s skyscrapers – in this film that is also a sequel to Q: The Winged Serpent. Featuring a cameo by Michael Moriarty as a crazy homeless man (this will be found footage). Working title: Qliffhanger.