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11/03 – BIG OTIK.

Photo by Brian Macdonald.

Can you guys believe ol’ Lumber Dick is already 75 years old? I mean, we don’t know his exact date of birch, but it sounds right.

As far as famous monsters go, he’s low on the totem pole. But we still love him.

The first time I heard of Lumber Dick, it was during a trip to Boulder, Colorado. There had been some disturbances in the woods, deer gone missing, bears with splinters in their womb, an overturned Bed & Breakfast, and the sensual desecration of a Newman’s Own factory. Authorites had claimed vandals were on the prowl, but the locals knew better. All signs pointed to some sort of mythological/scatological being roaming the forest putting things to task with its oaken member.

Then, a blurry photograph was taken of Lumber Dick. Someone got close to the then-unknown creature. It takes a lot of balsa to do that. But a photograph was indeed took. Luckily, the hunter had one of them panoramic cameras.

Lumber Dick!

Lumber Dick has been with us for many years now, who wood have thunk it? Anyone wishing to send birthday wishes to Lumber Dick, he can be reached at his hospice at Cedar-Sinai.