What

follows is a scattershot bit of staff and reader submitted photos that

showcase the lunacy that exists in the world around us. Submit images HERE, and comment on the thread HERE. Also, please post links on your Facebook, Twitter, or Digg accounts if you want to help keep us swaddled in sweetness.

ASSORTED DUMB SHIT


1. Possibly the most exciting game ever made.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


As a huge fan of the ‘Papal Election Board Game’ genre I must admit that I was a bit excited about Vatican: The Home Game. Then I realized I could sit on the couch farting and staring at the wall, and chose to do that.



2. Impulse Buy Personified.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


Joe Mantegna is the cover of Cat Fancy magazine. I have no joke for this.



3. The Rest of Shopping List: Jury. Executioner.



Photo by Marc Pilvinsky.


I’m more inclined to take the plunge and purchase a gavel, to be honest. It’s always the case when I rent something I end up wanting to keep it forever. I’m still paying late fees on the Hydraulic Chicken Deheader I just can’t seem to part with and I’m still getting automated calls from Blockbuster asking for that copy of Farce of the Penguins back. I just know I’ll RENT a gavel, and realize that I am addicted to adjourning. I’ll put an end to everything I don’t need. A Jehovah’s Witness will knock on the door, I’ll open the door and smash the gavel upon its slamming place and they will turn tail, Watchtower in tow. My wife will start to suggest I do something with my life and I’ll adjourn her. My kid spills milk, I’ll cease that business in midair. I’ll be the Beta Ray Bill of ending shit.




4. Sir Percival’s incontinent.


Photo by Nick Nunziata.


That’s a fucking HALO name.




5. Car Color: Cherry Ice Cream Smile.


Photo by Carl Kampmeyer.


I must admit that for a brief stretch of the 80’s I was a massive Duran Duran fan fan. I could wail in the shower of Wild Boys and Snake Unions and sometimes I enjoyed my prayer in the evening, defying Simon Le Bon’s wishes. Then he got trapped in a boat, sold his soul to the Devil, and emerged alive with massive orchestra hits to please Roger Moore. I outgrew Duran Duran, though I still appreciate our time together. I enjoyed the Nick Rhodes keyboard stylings, the various work of people named Taylor. I was even a fan of their drummer, Casio Electronics. I do not wear my fandom on my sleeve, however. I do not hate the person who owns a Duran Duran custom plate. We all make mistakes when the pressure at the DMV line mounts. I’ve been there. I’ve been there to get my custom tag to say LOVEUSA and accidentally walked out with LITAFORD. It happens. That’s a consumer choice.

I am however appalled that there’s a Duran Duran custom license plate frame, because that requires a decision by someone in a business.


6. “I drank this and got a massive case of Dwarfism of the Priapism.”



Photo by Claire.


Normally I’m all for horrible mangling of the English language by folks from newer regions with less history, like Asia, but this is simply too dangerous. Life, the opposite sex, and our own fluctuating barometers of risk/reward already crunch our thrust on a regular basis. How are we to know if this is a typo or just a way of Earth saying ‘you’re gonna lose, so why not get right to it with a tasty beverage’?

Oh, it’s definitely Earth’s way of saving us the trouble of having thrust hope.



7. If you could see me sitting at my computer you would see a man gritting his teeth and seething with hate and contempt.



Photo by Gavin Lines.


This goes a long way towards explaining how the events planned by Nostradamus, Jesus, Carlos (a Mayan), and Michael York for the year 2012 are a good thing. A welcome thing. A reckoning we have earned.



8. Why isn’t this called ASSTRONAUT?


Photo by Christopher Drake.



“I am going to fuck Halloween in the mouth with brilliance.”


“Bring it to the table, Skill Set McPherson.”



“Remember how much America loves space and the exploration of the sky?”


“I’m reminded every morning when I watch Fox News and there’s wall to wall coverage of men’s yearning to discover the mysteries of the stars.”
 


“Get ready to blow your eyes out the back of your eyes… An astronaut with his ass hanging out.”



“That’s NASA so bad…”





9. MATTER. OF. FACT.



Photo by Evan Dickson.


This person just wanted to remind us of a mythical creature with a horn coming out of its face, that’s all. Continue driving knowing that UNICORN.



10. If you look real good you’ll see Amelia Earhart making eternal plane u-turns in the sky above.



Photo by Jason Jaworski.


Which sign is the tougher? Because one simply has to win the fight. You can’t stop and not stop, it’s like one of the first laws of nature right after DON’T DRINK AND SWIM and AVOID THE ACT OF WRESTLING AT ALL COSTS. I’d like to camp out here and watch people slam on their brake gas.




11. Believe it. Frist has a black belt in chainsaw murder.



Photo by Mark Pezzula.


Each line in this important sign has their own adhesive sticker easily created by an automated handheld machine. Each easy to modify, amend, or redo within seconds should anything be wrong. Which is good, because the first time it asked Ash Customers Please Prepay Frist and we all know there’s not a crematorium within thirty miles of this important sign.
Speaking of, I think Richard Gere’s work in Frist Knight is underrated.



12. “Why do all these religious trinkets keep flying out of my head?”


Photo by Nick Nunziata.






13. Because we’d all be concerned if CH was on the fence about it.



Photo by Carl Kampmeyer.


I have had two nagging questions in my life. One of them was ‘God damn it, is Cole Hauser gay?”

Good to know someone got behind him in traffic and got my answer. Now, all I need is a reader to find out where Michael Ironside buys his long johns and I can go spin in my coffin peacefully.



14. It’s been called the Busch Gardens of Dump Springs, Alabama.



Photo by Renn Brown.


First of all, no. Second of all, what the fuck is happening to my eyes right now?



15. Metaphor.



Photo by Unknown.


If you want yellow balls, go the fuck ahead and follow those instructions.




NEW FEATURE:

Each installment will feature one LIST OF DUMB LIVE installment. Here’s this episode:




By the way:



























“Why don’t hummingbirds learn the words?”




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