|1||Paranormal Activity||$22,000,000 (+12.1%)||$11,311||$62,477,000|
|3||Where the Wild Things Are||$14,420,000 (-55.9%)||$3,861||$53,960,000|
|4||Law Abiding Citizen||$12,713,000 (-39.6%)||$4,399||$40,318,000|
|5||Couples Retreat||$11,097,000 (-35.6%)||$3,610||$78,213,000|
|7||The Stepfather||$6,500,000 (-43.9%)||$2,377||$20,352,000|
|8||Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant||$6,348,000||$2,305||$6,348,000|
|9||Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs||$5,600,000 (-30.2%)||$2,043||$115,204,000|
This just in: Richard Kiel has just admitted he slept his way to the middle. What a whore.
Andre Dellamorte: Ingmar Bergman, tell us about this weekend’s box office, would you?
Ingmar Bergman: Okay. I fucked the star of Paranormal Activity, I fucked her rotten. Arthouse pedigrees get you anal. Not gonna lie.
AD: Aren’t you dead?
IB: Yes. So?
AD: Just asking.
IB: Paramount marketed the fuck out of this movie. Plus people like it. I didn’t think much of it, but that’s cause it’s a gimmick movie. I guess it’s better than THE BLAIR WITCH NUTSACK.
AD: You are filthy.
IB: SKEET SKEET SKEET, Dre.
AD: Aren’t you surprised it took Saw VI.
IB: Yes and no. The last couple Saw films opened to $30, but they didn’t have the direct competition. It’s been six films in five years. Paranormal was like an exploratory finger. Saying “hey” “how’s it going?” “This feels good, right?”
AD: You are incorrigible.
IB: I’m a freak. Be lucky your girlfriend ain’t near me.
AD: I don’t have one at the moment.
IB: That’s a good plan. You pussy.
AD: I’d rather not get into that while we discuss this.
AD: Seriously, Ingmar Bergman?
IB: Faggots get laid. I apologize to them.
IB: Where the Wild Things Are ain’t getting to $100.
AD: It might.
IB: Fuck you.
AD: But it won last weekend!
IB: But it won my dick suck.
AD: Ingmar Bergman, you are filthy.
IB: Law Abiding appears to have found an audience. Couples Retreat appears to be a winner, all things, even with how much it cost. Astro Boy is a flop, but whatever. Amber Heard should have shown her titty in The Stepfather. Cirque du: No Sequel. Cloudy got past $100, yipee, and Sony doesn’t seem interested in keeping with the hard sell on Zombieland. Cause that shit could have gotten further.
AD: What about Amelia?
IB: Fox was embarrassed, critics went with a full hot Carl, it’s not in the top ten, its fudge is packed. Hilary Swank wanted to go for #3. That’s just not going to happen, unless the field is weak. They’re going to mail me screeners regardless. Swank is worth a wank, though, horse face and all.
AD: God damnit, I thought as an Oscar-winning regaled genius you might not be like this.
IB: Knock knock?
AD: Who’s there?
IB: My nut in your eye!
AD: God damnit.