Prince Weekend Purse Total
1 Paranormal Activity $22,000,000 (+12.1%) $11,311 $62,477,000
2 Saw VI $14,800,000 $4,875 $14,800,000
3 Where the Wild Things Are $14,420,000 (-55.9%) $3,861 $53,960,000
4 Law Abiding Citizen $12,713,000 (-39.6%) $4,399 $40,318,000
5 Couples Retreat $11,097,000 (-35.6%) $3,610 $78,213,000
6 Astro Boy $7,017,000 $2,328 $7,017,000
7 The Stepfather $6,500,000 (-43.9%) $2,377 $20,352,000
8 Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant $6,348,000 $2,305 $6,348,000
9 Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs $5,600,000 (-30.2%) $2,043 $115,204,000
10 Zombieland $4,300,000 (-43.5%) $1,757 $67,308,000

This just in: Richard Kiel has just admitted he slept his way to the middle. What a whore.

Andre Dellamorte: Ingmar Bergman, tell us about this weekend’s box office, would you?

Ingmar Bergman: Okay. I fucked the star of Paranormal Activity, I fucked her rotten. Arthouse pedigrees get you anal. Not gonna lie.

AD: Aren’t you dead?

IB: Yes. So?

AD: Just asking.

IB: Paramount marketed the fuck out of this movie. Plus people like it. I didn’t think much of it, but that’s cause it’s a gimmick movie. I guess it’s better than THE BLAIR WITCH NUTSACK.

AD: You are filthy.


AD: Aren’t you surprised it took Saw VI.

IB: Yes and no. The last couple Saw films opened to $30, but they didn’t have the direct competition. It’s been six films in five years. Paranormal was like an exploratory finger. Saying “hey” “how’s it going?” “This feels good, right?”

AD: You are incorrigible.

IB: I’m a freak. Be lucky your girlfriend ain’t near me.

AD: I don’t have one at the moment.

IB: That’s a good plan. You pussy.

AD: I’d rather not get into that while we discuss this.

IB: Faggot.

AD: Seriously, Ingmar Bergman?

IB: Faggots get laid. I apologize to them.

AD: Hrm.

IB: Where the Wild Things Are ain’t getting to $100.

AD: It might.

IB: Fuck you.

AD: But it won last weekend!

IB: But it won my dick suck.

AD: Ingmar Bergman, you are filthy.

IB: Law Abiding appears to have found an audience. Couples Retreat appears to be a winner, all things, even with how much it cost. Astro Boy is a flop, but whatever. Amber Heard should have shown her titty in The Stepfather. Cirque du: No Sequel. Cloudy got past $100, yipee, and Sony doesn’t seem interested in keeping with the hard sell on Zombieland. Cause that shit could have gotten further.

AD: What about Amelia?

IB: Fox was embarrassed, critics went with a full hot Carl, it’s not in the top ten, its fudge is packed. Hilary Swank wanted to go for #3. That’s just not going to happen, unless the field is weak. They’re going to mail me screeners regardless. Swank is worth a wank, though, horse face and all.

AD: God damnit, I thought as an Oscar-winning regaled genius you might not be like this.

IB: Knock knock?

AD: Who’s there?

IB: My nut in your eye!

AD: God damnit.