| Prince | Weekend | Purse | Total | |
| 1 | Paranormal Activity | $22,000,000 (+12.1%) | $11,311 | $62,477,000 |
| 2 | Saw VI | $14,800,000 | $4,875 | $14,800,000 |
| 3 | Where the Wild Things Are | $14,420,000 (-55.9%) | $3,861 | $53,960,000 |
| 4 | Law Abiding Citizen | $12,713,000 (-39.6%) | $4,399 | $40,318,000 |
| 5 | Couples Retreat | $11,097,000 (-35.6%) | $3,610 | $78,213,000 |
| 6 | Astro Boy | $7,017,000 | $2,328 | $7,017,000 |
| 7 | The Stepfather | $6,500,000 (-43.9%) | $2,377 | $20,352,000 |
| 8 | Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant | $6,348,000 | $2,305 | $6,348,000 |
| 9 | Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs | $5,600,000 (-30.2%) | $2,043 | $115,204,000 |
| 10 | Zombieland | $4,300,000 (-43.5%) | $1,757 | $67,308,000 |
This just in: Richard Kiel has just admitted he slept his way to the middle. What a whore.
Andre Dellamorte: Ingmar Bergman, tell us about this weekend’s box office, would you?
Ingmar Bergman: Okay. I fucked the star of Paranormal Activity, I fucked her rotten. Arthouse pedigrees get you anal. Not gonna lie.
AD: Aren’t you dead?
IB: Yes. So?
AD: Just asking.
IB: Paramount marketed the fuck out of this movie. Plus people like it. I didn’t think much of it, but that’s cause it’s a gimmick movie. I guess it’s better than THE BLAIR WITCH NUTSACK.
AD: You are filthy.
IB: SKEET SKEET SKEET, Dre.
AD: Aren’t you surprised it took Saw VI.
IB: Yes and no. The last couple Saw films opened to $30, but they didn’t have the direct competition. It’s been six films in five years. Paranormal was like an exploratory finger. Saying “hey” “how’s it going?” “This feels good, right?”
AD: You are incorrigible.
IB: I’m a freak. Be lucky your girlfriend ain’t near me.
AD: I don’t have one at the moment.
IB: That’s a good plan. You pussy.
AD: I’d rather not get into that while we discuss this.
IB: Faggot.
AD: Seriously, Ingmar Bergman?
IB: Faggots get laid. I apologize to them.
AD: Hrm.
IB: Where the Wild Things Are ain’t getting to $100.
AD: It might.
IB: Fuck you.
AD: But it won last weekend!
IB: But it won my dick suck.
AD: Ingmar Bergman, you are filthy.
IB: Law Abiding appears to have found an audience. Couples Retreat appears to be a winner, all things, even with how much it cost. Astro Boy is a flop, but whatever. Amber Heard should have shown her titty in The Stepfather. Cirque du: No Sequel. Cloudy got past $100, yipee, and Sony doesn’t seem interested in keeping with the hard sell on Zombieland. Cause that shit could have gotten further.
AD: What about Amelia?
IB: Fox was embarrassed, critics went with a full hot Carl, it’s not in the top ten, its fudge is packed. Hilary Swank wanted to go for #3. That’s just not going to happen, unless the field is weak. They’re going to mail me screeners regardless. Swank is worth a wank, though, horse face and all.
AD: God damnit, I thought as an Oscar-winning regaled genius you might not be like this.
IB: Knock knock?
AD: Who’s there?
IB: My nut in your eye!
AD: God damnit.