I figured in addition to the large List of Dumb
columns that run a couple of times a month it’d be good to give folks a
daily dose, since there’s absolutely no shortage of dumb shit out there
in the world. Help keep this thing going by sending your DUMBS to me
through THIS LINK.
Also, please spread the word through your Tweets and Facebook and
MySpace updates. Though CHUD.com’s not for everyone, stuff like this is!
10/22 – Largebaby Cracks Head, Roams Countryside. Learns Manners.
Photo by Andrea Rothe.
I mean, there is some sort of pituitary disorder at play and I hope the parents of Largebaby have a stroller with a leather harness or the little bastard’s to break free and wander the mall plucking out people’s hypothalamus and ingesting them like goldfish crackers. You know your infant’s got issues when you can babysit him with Google Earth.
Secondly, there is room on both of these diagrams for an extra word. ‘Never leave YOUR baby unattended, ‘Dispose of YOUR towel’. It’s as if everything in society is pushing us towards having absolutely no grasp of our own language. Honestly, if you don’t already know these rules you shouldn’t be a parent, but if you can’t translate a full sentence into a command you shouldn’t be a parent either.
Thirdly, I love stars and my kid never ejects them when I smash him on his head. Did I get a dud?
Fourthly, if you have an infant that towers over a garbage can, don’t let it throw your trash away for you. Sell it to the Mütter Museum and buy yourself a nice little beach house.
WHY IS THE KID THROWING THE TRASH AWAY IN THE ILLUSTRATION?
SERIOUSLY. THAT IS FUCKED UP.