I have tried to have faith in the films of Rob Zombie. I really, really like The Devil’s Rejects. While I can understand those who hate the film, I find it to be a really interesting, fun and stylistically enjoyable film, one that felt like the start of a good career (I’m ignoring House of 1000 Corpses). Then came Halloween, which wasn’t just terrible, it was terrible and had a grudge against the audience. I haven’t seen Halloween II yet, but it’s hard to imagine that Rob’s really got his Michael Myers shit together, and early word is that this film is terrible too.

I was hoping that Halloween II was some sort of play for money so that Rob could get back on the wagon and make something decent. I was wrong. It was a play for money so that he could make another play for money – Rob is remaking The Blob.

Ugh. I love The Blob. And the 1980s remake as well, which means I’m not against remaking this particular film. But since Zombie has shown a complete unwillingness to step outside his own little filmmaking box – which consists of rednecks, swearing and his wife – I have to assume that his version of the Blob will be taking down a bunch of shacks in the backwoods.

Also, his version of The Blob won’t have… the Blob. “My intention is not to have a big red blobby thing — that’s the first
thing I want to change,”
Zombie told Variety. “That gigantic
Jello-looking thing might have been scary to audiences in the 1950s,
but people would laugh now.”

Oh Jesus. Just what we needed – a redneck reinvention of a monster whose simplicity and elegance is its whole charm.

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