What

follows is a scattershot bit of staff and reader submitted photos that

showcase the lunacy that exists in the world around us. Submit images HERE, and comment on the thread HERE. Also, please post links on your Facebook, Twitter, or Digg accounts if you want to help keep us swaddled in sweetness.

ASSORTED DUMB SHIT


1. “You really ought to wear slacks, my irritable bowel syndrome wife.”



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


I’m usually an advocate for signs that warn of women shitting towards their male companions.

This is no exception.



2. They guarantee you won’t get a big bang after one of these stylings.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


What the fuck is a creation haircut? Is it for baldfolk? Show up hairless, hair is built and then sculpted to magical release?

Is it yet another example of how the Churchies are taking everything from normal life and adding a religious bent to it just because? I’ve seen so many shops that are regular but have to specify that they’re CHRISTIAN OWNED or have the Jesus Fish on the door JUST SO YOU KNOW.

Is it a place that looks at what you’ve grown on your head on your own, shakes its own head, and then scissors it up to look like a pirate ship instead?

Vicky’s a bitch for confusing me.



3. The Blue Oyster Bar has a new marketing director.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


It’s all about HOW YOU ASK. And that’s the difference between Neil Patrick Harris and Andy Dick.




4. Star Trek III: The Search for Cock.


Photo by Nick Nunziata.


Did Joel Schumacher start a toy company while I was away on business?




5. He doesn’t look happy to be an abomination of the animal kingdom.


Photo by Nick Nunziata.


Yes, I know it’s a Dr. Who toy but there’s this thing about me. I don’t give a fuck about Dr. Who. The fact that the show continues mystifies me at the highest level [further proving that sci-fi fans are TOO devoted, as evidenced by the continued existence of anything Stargate]. But regardless…

Is this some sort of species known for indifference and melancholy? Sadbeasts? The guy looks like he just lost a beauty contest to John Rhys-Davies.


6. Do you eat them or fuck them?



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


The Australian Target store left a little to be desired, but not in the sexually forward candy department. I defy any of you to sample some TINGLE FRUITS or MUSK STICKS without getting at least Herpes. I flipped one over to read the ingredients and all that was there was a mirror so I could see the dude unzipping behind me.



7. “Everyone’s Golding to Dinner, wanna come?”



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


If you are going to be good at ONE THING… Aim higher, sir.



8. Willie Eat?


Photo by Nick Nunziata.



“I’m starving.”


“I could eat the semen out of a lumberjack.”



“Well, I’m so hungry I could eat a terrier out of a larger terrier.”


“I could eat Magnus Ver Magnussen during the dry season.”
 


“I could eat STEAMBOAT.”



“Ooooooooh! I know just the place!”





9. But soon Dr. Gale will be promoted and then they’ll be his subordinates.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


This is the most accurate fucking sign I’ve ever seen. When I saw it, I looked up and sure enough there was a plane passing by.



10. “I’m hungry for something nondescript and geometric.”



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


They used the William Shatner snack as the mold.




11. Was the extra “G” that expensive?



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


First of all, FRUTTA as a license plate ought to warrant a naked trip through a Romanian bathhouse. Secondly, we don’t need two ways to spell a dumb abbreviation of vegetables. Thirdly, I tire of caricatures of entrepreneurs fucking a shopping bag.




12. Can only be cleaned off the plate with Spic & Span.


Photo by Nick Nunziata.


I saw this and had to stop and check my eyes. Coon has to have the same awful connotations in Australia as it does here, right? I guess not, because it went perfectly fine on a cracker.


13. The Official Wedding Gear of Mobile, Alabama.



Photo by Andrea Rothe.


This is actually more dangerous a toy for kids than Jarts, Ninja Stars, Firecrackers, AIDSBLOOD, and Barrel O’ Cobras and Scorpions.




14. Act now and be charged triple!



Photo by Brad Bishop.


Silver Shamrock had to make that sign because every time I read it I get confused and roaches shoot out of my head.



15. “And today you’re gonna live up to your name…”



Photo by Brian Costello.


I’ve seen the girls that work at Walgreens. Let me decide if you’re Poon or not please.



16. Indsid: A Tiny Faction of Al Quaeda.



Photo by Casey.


Viral marketing for PorscheUpholstery.biz.



17. Unfortunately accommodations cost exactly as much as classes + rent.



Photo by Evan Dickson.


FILMMAKING OR ACTING. Folks, you’re only allowed to live here if you have a bitchin’ zombie script you’re dying to make.




18. The Mercedes Rule.



Photo by Evan Dickson.


What would the bastard son of a Jaguar and a Segway look like?

THIS





19. But I’m not finished with THIS war.



Photo by Evan Dickson.


If the letters you want aren’t available, CHOOSE A DIFFERENT MESSAGE. That way, I don’t have to hate your lack of intelligence any more than I do as I share a road with you. Don’t tempt me, fuckface.




20. Honeymooners fandom surfaces in the oddest places.



Photo by Evan Dickson.


Well, I guess it’s kinda cool to have threatened spousal abuse right on the back of your car.



NEW FEATURE:

Each installment will feature one LIST OF DUMB LIVE installment. Here’s this episode:




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“My sneakers squeak so I sneak loud!”




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