What

follows is a scattershot bit of staff and reader submitted photos that

showcase the lunacy that exists in the world around us. Submit images HERE, and comment on the thread HERE. Also, please post links on your Facebook, Twitter, or Digg accounts if you want to help keep us swaddled in sweetness.

ASSORTED DUMB SHIT


1. Because customers love DEATH.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


FAVORITES is a weird word. Doesn’t Barnes & Noble have a MORBID CUSTOMER FLAVOR OF THE MINUTE MINUTIA sign? And of course, now we have to endure a whole wave of “MICHAEL WAS MURDERED” propaganda. Unless a new toxicology report reveals that the Popped King died of an overdose of chainsaw murder or of a scorned boy who Innerspace‘d himself into Michael’s thinker enough is enough.



2. What’s next, a TV network devoted to wool?



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


There is an entire magazine devoted to Kings of Leon. There is an entire magazine devoted to Kings of Leon. There is an entire magazine devoted to Kings of Leon. There is an entire magazine devoted to Kings of Leon. There is an entire magazine devoted to Kings of Leon. There is an entire magazine devoted to Kings of Leon. There is an entire magazine devoted to Kings of Leon. There is an entire magazine devoted to Kings of Leon. There is an entire magazine devoted to Kings of Leon. There is an entire magazine devoted to Kings of Leon. There is an entire magazine devoted to Kings of Leon. There is an entire magazine devoted to Kings of Leon. There is an entire magazine devoted to Kings of Leon. There is an entire magazine devoted to Kings of Leon. There is an entire magazine devoted to Kings of Leon. There is an entire magazine devoted to Kings of Leon. There is an entire magazine devoted to Kings of Leon. There is an entire magazine devoted to Kings of Leon. There is an entire magazine devoted to Kings of Leon. There is an entire magazine devoted to Kings of Leon. There is an entire magazine devoted to Kings of Leon. There is an entire magazine devoted to Kings of Leon. There is an entire magazine devoted to Kings of Leon.



3. Perfect for Total Recall Midget’s chests.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


It’s just so goddamn Wrangler tough. TRIPLE LOAD. I mean, if you’re going to have TRIPLE LOAD in big letters on your machine you might as well call it GODDAMN. Or TAKE THIS, FUCKER. Or just UGGNNNNNNNNNNHHHHHH. I smell tobacco and denim and punches when I see this picture.




4. “Peter Dinklage is in there getting a coat of arms done on his pelvis.”


Photo by Nick Nunziata.


Is it really a Tattoo Shop? That might be an ambitious moniker. Where does the customer sit? Where does the bald artist stand and judge the fact a suburbanite walked into their palace? Where does a flabbily stomached girl position herself so a spermtarget can be crafted onto her lower back?
This might not be an official  Tattoo Shop.




5. OK, I endorse burning books…


Photo by Nick Nunziata.


Guy Montag, send your people this-a-way.


6. Also a handy item at the cannibal tapas place.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


You KNOW this was an accidental invention. Some guy was putting electrical shit together for the prep table at his restaurant and he decided, “you know what this heating lamp needs under it? A BABY”. History was made on that day.

But that’s a good rule of thumb in any aspect of life. If you make something with the intention to sizzle, JUST MAYBE a baby might be a good thing to test it on.



7. Yeah.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


Well, it looks like the GENERATION-LOL has gotten old enough to join the workforce.



8. I potatoes faith.


Photo by Nick Nunziata.


What could have been pleasant to the olfactory senses is made very weird by the poor placement of words. Chocolate-like implies the UNKNOWN. There’s an air of uncertainty about it. What was once solid and true now carries doubt. I would imagine that getting a nice whiff of this children’s shirt (which, if you leave a kid to their own devices for five minutes will smell like chocolate anyway) wouldn’t bring back memories of Uncle Hans’ mocha factory in Schnitzel. It’d create FEAR. DOUBT. ALARM. Villagers would light torches and patrol the town, sniffing.

“Where is Chocolate Boy?”


“Melt the Intruder!”



“Kill him and let Godiva sort him out!”


“Who wants Chantico?”



9. Because a lot of babies wander the outdoors unsupervised.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


The original, TRUE sign of ‘Please, we’re fucking anal and this is the great outdoors and your smoke dissipates in an instant and is of no concern to us. In fact, we’re just looking for shit to bitch about.‘ took up too much space. I understand the desire to keep smoking out of most indoor places, but outside in wide open areas? Come on.



10. Direct. To the point. And with Braille for sightless milksearchers.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


It’s the Braille that does it. I imagine a Blind feelseeking up the wall and coming across this sign. A look of confusion, then a look of satisfaction, and then a look of confusion. Then Blind Fury.




11. Same fucking difference!



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


These are two different receptacles, but I have to admit that when he’s not looking the nurses put Randall “Tex” Cobb’s soiled linens in the bin on the left.




12. “Dude, sign up and you’ll totally get to cover the Eiffel Tower in mystery goo.”


Photo by Renn Brown.


“Yo, let me hook you up. We’ll bust caps on taxpayer dime, take the fight to Zartan and his cronies.”


“Do you offer educational incentives?”



“Yeah Dude! We’ll teach you how to spot a V.I.P.E.R. from 50 clicks. We’ll show you what Serpentor’s neglige looks like and we will show you how to call the Fire of God down upon the heads of Major Bludd and Grimlock! Sign the paper!”


“Grimlock’s a Dinobot”.


“Shit!”



LASER GUNFIGHT AND

PARACHUTE SOUNDS




13. The Piltdown Man goes shopping!



Photo by Renn Brown.


This is a real photograph taken of a real person at a real store. Now you try and tell me that this world doesn’t deserve alien holocaust.




14. Same Book, Different Covers.



Photo by Renn Brown.


If it was ANY OTHER CHARACTER THAN THE LARRY CABLE GUY ONE from Cars, the book on the left would irritate me more.



15. Must’ve eaten something that’d make a billygoat die.



Photo by Renn Brown.


HERE LIES JOHN RAMBO. ACCOMPLISHMENTS INCLUDE CRENNA FRIENDSHIP, BURMACIDE, ARROW HOLOCAUST. FAILURES INCLUDE THE SAME + NOT FIRING LITTLE RAMBOS INTO JULIE BENZ WHEN HE HAD THE CHANCE.



16. Well at least Suzy Wideface is still getting modeling gigs.



Photo by Andrew Sweeney.


Just out of frame: A furious Seth Rogen.



17. Sold in gay sex shops as ‘The Denzel Chair’.



Photo by Andrew Sweeney.


That it has to tell us they used a real banana scares me more than the penile implications of the cherished snack.




18. Your source for booze and Metroid.



Photo by Tom Suitt.


I’ve heard that NES parties hop, but never believed it. Mine always seemed to include juice and potato chips and clothes that have been worn for two straight days.

I haven’t tried the New Beer, but I’ll try any Videodrome tie-in ONCE.




19. Yet eerily empty.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.



“……..”


“………”




“………..”


“……..”



“………”



“………..”



[End of conversations from the Hive of Activity]




20. What, they didn’t have room for The Godfather and Skinwalkers?



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


Well, truthfully… they’re pretty much the same movie.



NEW FEATURE:

Each installment will feature one LIST OF DUMB LIVE installment. Here’s this episode:




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“Fire has a crackly voice!”




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* The insidest joke in town.