MSRP: $22.99
RUNNING TIME: 87 minutes
• Slide show

The Pitch
Danish spies fuck their way into trouble, and fuck their way out of it.

The Humans
Starring Ole Soltoft, Gina Janssen, Karl Stegger, Poul Bungaard and Kate Mundt
Written and directed by Werner Hedman

Years after the scooby gang broke up, Velma had to support herself on the Big Glasses, Big Fun sex hotline just to make ends meet.

The Nutshell

In this madcap adventure, plans for a new form of energy have to be smuggled out of Denmark to the CIA, but the evil Scorpio (Karl Stegger) wants to sell the secret to the Arabs. It’s up to one man, one silly Danish man named Jensen (Ole Soltoft) to stop him. Oh, did I mention the sex? There’s a lot of boning between the plot points.

The Lowdown
At last, we come to the end of our foray into Danish Tegn films (for now, at least, there are a few more if my research is sound). And it is is fitting we end on the most madcap, most movie-esque entry, ‘In the Sign of Scorpio’.

Madame Bouvier shows off her lesser known, but equally implausible ‘Dental Floss in the Vajayjay’ trick. 

It’s hard coming up with more things to say. All the films, while enjoyable, are pretty much the same. Zany humor mixed in with hot sex scenes. Much like life, really. Heck, this is exactly the same movie as ‘In the Sign of Sagittarius’ right down to the plot points: documents hidden and switched among various same-looking bags, to the actors, all of whom appear in different (or same) roles as the former film. Hey, if the formula works, keep working it.
Here’s how much of a movie ‘Scorpio’ wanted to be: flashbacks. Not only that, a sexy flashback that was shoehorned in solely to inject a little sexiness into the first fifteen minutes, where no other sex occurs. Nor does the flashback have any relevance on the plot. In theory, it should, given the characters involved, but they abandon it and just go straight for the fucking when said flashback may become relevant. I know, it’s an odd thing to criticize but there’s so little to speak about that I have to pick what battles I can find.    

Dudes making out: you’re doing it wrong.

There are good things, don’t think I’m complaining over all. Obviously, hot naked women is one of them. Gina Janssen, the busty, funny blonde returns to whoop ass and show some skin as Matty Hari, for instance. The women enjoy it. Even when they’re not supposed to be enjoying it, for instance when one agent pumps another agent for information, they’re enjoying it. It’s not a race to the happy ending or who can do the most fucked up shit or get into the most awkward position, it’s sex. It might be a little strange and even a little humorous, such as having two guards suspend a girl in the air so another guy can bang her, but it’s happy sex.
The sex is not as prominent this time around, however. This being the first secret agent film (Sagittarius came out a year later), they’re still tweaking the formula. It’s more spy comedy along the lines of The Pink Panther and other Sellers physical comedies than traditional sex movie. Long passages go by without whit or whistle of sex occurring and for that, I applaud ‘Scorpio’ for crafting an engaging, absurd movie that happens to have some graphic sex in it.
Ole Soltoft, the hero of these films, once again works his manic charm on the audience, and while we never see him naked, he does get lucky (at last)! It’s so odd seeing a porno rely on charisma, as so few porn actors and actresses have it, but Soltoft has it in spades. He lights up any scene he’s in as the sweet, naive and prone-to-pratfalls Agent Jensen Masters. For the fourth time in four movies, he is clearly in a league of his own, easily outacting and out-yukking his co-stars, who are given more of their own comedy bits than ever before. There is little originality presented here (or in Sagittarius, the follow up film), but it’s not a movie of deep character motivation, just some wonky bits between the fucking. And as that, it’s enjoyable.    

Even black belts agree: Safe For Work sex is totally awesome.

So, after four dirty movies, what have we learned? Well, it’s hard to say. We’ve learned that in the 70s, people loved bush. We’ve learned that Ole Soltoft is funny actor. We’ve learned that the Danish have some bizarre sexual practices and that these Tegn films represent either the norm, or they exist on the outside of their society. We’ve learned that it’s always funnier when a Dane says ‘There’s something rotten in the state of Denmark.’ (said in all four movies) but mostly, we have learned that when making a porno movie, you don’t just need one or the other. Sometimes, you can windowshop for the hooker in the red light district AND bang her, too. And quite suprisingly, you’ll love every minute of it.

The Package
It’s part of a two disc edition that also features ‘In the Sign of Sagittarius’. The greatest hits slide show is also featured for those of you too lazy to watch 87 minutes worth of movie.

5.6 out of 10