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STUDIO: Smirk
MSRP: $12.00
RATED: X
RUNNING TIME: 88 minutes
SPECIAL FEATURES:
• Slide show

The Pitch
 
It’s like ‘Get Smart’ if Agent 99 was smoking hot and banged everybody.

The Humans
   
Starring Ole Soltoft, Karl Stegger, Poul Bundgaard, Kate Mundt, Gina Janssen and Lee Fong Wong
Written and directed by Werner Hedman


A Russian, two Germans and a portrait of Chairman Mao. What the hell country is this?


The Nutshell
 
In this zany spy comedy, rocket plans are hidden in one of four identical make up tins and all the major players, Denmark, Russia, China, Albania and Tangiers (seriously, this is like A-level game shit) are after it. But it’s up to one man, one silly, silly man named Agent Jensen 69, to confound the lot of them, not have sex and generally keep the plot moving, lest it be nothing but people doing it for 80 minutes.

The Lowdown
   
Should I feel bad for laughing during a porno? And not in a ‘Oh, damn that girl just got plastered! That’s hilarious.’ but in a, ‘Wow, this actually has some funny bits to it?’ Because that’s the situation I faced with this next in the series of Danish Tegn films. Let me tell you, when you’re about to get down with your bad self and you start laughing, the mood is killed. Now, not only do I feel bad, but I feel kind of mad, too. When did a movie get in my porno? This isn’t right at all.
  


Panty Pockets: so you can put your balls in.


Thankfully, there’s a good movie shoved between the sex scenes. Or should I say, there are good sex scenes shoved between the movie. Of the ‘In the Sign’ films I have seen thus far, this is the one where they shot the movie first, the sex second. Unlike prior entries, ‘Sagittarius’s sex scenes are more plot stopping. They happen with the randomness we associate with modern porn movies. Sex occurs, then we can get on with the rest of the film, until the ending scene where all factions come together at a ‘weight loss through sex’ clinic that bursts with manic insanity, effective physical comedy and many, many naked people running around.
 
Without the sex, ‘Sagittarius’ would be an effective, perhaps disjointed, hilarious and short movie. The main thrust (ba dum dum) of the plot moves at a breakneck pace as if its a drowning man gasping for oxygen. You may not entirely be sure as to what exactly is going on, who has the much sought after make-up tin, but the comedic timing of the actors is enough to pull you through the non-sexy bits. Phsyical comedy is a great ambassador; a guy getting hit in the face with a pie, for instance, is always funny no matter where you are. Unless you live in Pie-mistan and take offense to your national food being objectified that way. But if you are, you probably aren’t watching Danish erotica to begin with.
 


Aah, the 70s, back when you could bring guns on a plane.


Threesomes, some weird acrobatic sex, one one one, girl on girl and, near the climax, a ridiculous amount of sex machines (no, quite literally, sex machines) are there to fill any need you could possibly have. There’s even an Asian girl for all of you stricken with yellow fever.
 
Ole Soltoft, who plays the titular agent Jensen (and who has appeared in both prior Sign movies reviewed) is given more of a starring role this time around. He’s the main course, and though he once again does not engage in any explicit on-screen action, he yuks it up with his pratfalls, rubberfaces and general physical comedy. You find yourself going, ‘Hey, let’s get back to that Jensen guy!’ during the sex scenes. He’s like a Danish Peter Sellers and this is his Pink Panther (ba dum dum). The characters are ridiculously over the top: Jensen and his wiriness, the stand in Intelligence director who dresses like a pompadour to the Russian director who yells ‘Slivovitz!’ and then has an aide pour him a shot of vodka, writer/director Werner Hedman seems to remember that, above all, sex is fun and costumes only make it better.
 


“Upon further inspection I can safely conclude that that is, in fact, a vagina.”


Most porn actresses are terrible. Actors, I mean, they’re terrible actors. Here, many of the women display a great sense of timing and comedy, plus they have the added benefit of boning on camera. Gina Janssen, playing a secret agent, uses her wits and comedy to get into many situations, and uses her incredible body to get out of them. A funny AND sexy girl is hard to come by. One who is willing to go all in is like finding a leprechaun riding a unicorn on their way to tea and crumpets with their pals Nessie and Sasquatch.
  
In treating the movie as a movie first, the sex is sometimes far between and obviously, of little relevance to the plot. But the story itself and the way it’s handled more than makes up for this fact. I originally asked for these films as sort of a ‘well, I doubt if anyone else will take them, so I might as well clear the list’, but I am shocked to say that I have enjoyed them all thus far, both as actual films with stories to tell and as pornos with deliciously wonderful women engaging in equally delicious sex that never feels like a retread of prior scenes. What I said in earlier reviews still stands: it’s not high art, but nor is it lowest denominator; ‘Sagittarius’ might not strike the perfect balance of story and sex that say, ‘In the Sign of the Virgin’ did, but it is still an able bodied porno movie that is best viewed as a movie first and foremost, and a porno second. You’ll laugh, you’ll hurl, you’ll totally jizz in your pants at this one.

The Package
 
This is actually a two disc set featuring ‘In the Sign of Sagittarius’ and ‘In the Sign of Scorpio’ (review to follow shortly). These are bare bones editions featuring only a photo gallery of some select bits, which exist for the viewer who doesn’t want to be bothered with all that movie crap.



5.7 out of 10