STUDIO: Le Chat Qui Fum
MSRP: $19.95
RATED: Unrated
RUNNING TIME: 94 minutes
• Stills gallery
• Bio feature on Jean-Marie Pallardy

The Pitch

“It’s like Atlas Shrugged meets Caligula! Come and join the fun!”

The Humans

If you act now, you’ll get to experience the joys of Willeke Van Ammelroy, the thrill of Claudine Beccarie, and the hair of everyone else!

The Nutshell

Has life got you down? Are you beginning to feel as though your wife is too much of a liberated individual? Oppressed by outmoded moral codes and laws of society? Then cast off your clothing and join us at Jean-Marie Pallardy’s Half-Nudist Colony, where anything goes as long as nothing shows!

Savor the relative rarity of a fully-clothed game of Chicken!

The Lowdown

Jean-Marie Pallardy’s Half-Nudist Colony was first opened to the public in 1974 by Nobel prize laureate Professor Muller. Though it is unclear in which field exactly Professor Muller won the award, I think you’ll all agree: it’s hard to pass up that kind of pedigree! The Half-Nudist colony takes great pride in being the only hedonistic gulch in modern France founded by a world-renowned scientist. Or sociologist. Or something.

When you visit our beautifully-tended facilities, you will scarcely find room to breathe amongst all our offered activities. For those of you who love the great outdoors — and, really, who doesn’t? — the Colony features outdoor sex! Screw like the birds and the beasts of the field in your natural habitat, surrounded by rivers and trees and probably several of your fellow Colonists! Tired of exercising your carnal urges? Then relax with with one of our patented Half-Naked Pony Rides! For the elderly among our guests, a full range of ogling possibilities has been made freely available, throughout the day.

Reserve your pony ride as a single, a double, or even a group!

If you happen to visit the Colony on one of our rare days of inclement weather, don’t worry! Our indoor activities are exactly as wide and varied as the outdoor ones! Within the rustic comfort of one of our designer cabins you are free to indulge your wildest fantasies, no matter how perverse or tame! Our prize fillies (of the indoor variety) will toss their wild manes in frantic pleasure at the mere sight of your withered manhood. You’ll never pass a day unfulfilled!

Critics of our Colony have claimed that it is a haven for hedonists, and nothing more. We are only too happy to accept such a badge of honor! We pride ourselves on our defense of individualism and of the pursuit of happiness! Have you been scolded by your wife, your children, or your co-workers for expressing a desire to live life to the fullest and suck on the great teat of joy? We know you have! Here, at Jean-Marie Pallardy’s Half-Nudist Colony, you will find no such admonition! We not only encourage you to pursue your bliss, but to catch up to it and, if necessary, to beat it into submission before bending it over a log and raping it in either of its welcoming orifices!

Join in the semi-annual Hunting of the Slags!

And that’s no metaphor!

Come and visit us! Waste no time, for time is the only thing you have to spend. You may die a pauper, out of time, but for now you are rich! Spend your time at Jean-Marie Pallardy’s Half-Nudist Colony, where five out of five cops sent to investigate the illegal behaviors on our grounds agree: We will satisfy your soul and your “magnificent” penis!

Officer Pennyworth! You need to shake your tail, if you know what I mean!

The Package

But wait! there’s more! Would you like to know more about the man for whom the Colony was named? Tune in to our special, hour-long filmstrip documenting his life and other notable achievements! (Though we think you’ll agree that none compare to the objectivist paradise of our Colony!)

And if that doesn’t do it for you — if you have become perhaps too accustomed to a state of non-interaction with the women you objectify — feel free to peruse our gallery of one hundred photographs, culled from the private collection of our benefactor and namesake!

Well? What are you waiting for?

4 out of 10