What

follows is a scattershot bit of staff and reader submitted photos that

showcase the lunacy that exists in the world around us. Submit images HERE, and comment on the thread HERE. Also, please post links on your Facebook, Twitter, or Digg accounts if you want to help keep us swaddled in sweetness.

ASSORTED DUMB SHIT


1. Dennis Rader’s Home Business Never Took Off.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


“Hello I have come to fix your problem of being too unbound for the introductory rate of $YOURLIFE”.



2. I only drink gourmet water, so naturally…



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


Some asshole at Kroger [it’s not Kroger’s, jerks] actually thought that adding the word ‘GOURMET’ to their ice bags was going to result in a sales spike. They carry one brand of ice. People who buy bags of ice have absolutely no brand loyalty, only insisting that the product be formerly water and currently cold and hard. The word gourmet has no place on an icebag, douchebag.





3. The official car of Procrastination Reynolds.



Photo by Brian Herrero.


In a way you have to admire someone who drives around with the vaguest license plate in town. Are they hopelessly optimistic? Are they fucking lost at sea? Shit, this freak could be 73rd in line for a skull transplant. ONE DOES NOT KNOW. A few possibilities:

Someday his peep will grow back.
Someday people will comment on a Killing Swarm song.
Someday he’ll feel better about running over kids.
Someday the Pentecostal Church will go away.
Someday he’ll pull a hat of his rabbit.
Someday he’ll get drafted by the Kiss Army.
Someday Daughtry  will return his calls.
Someday he’ll be a porn again Christian.
Someday they’ll make Nair for the balls.
Someday he’ll find that perfect girl, an infertile deaf/mute with real knockers who designs good levels in Forge.




4. Sack Religious.


Photo by Nick Nunziata.


“Why do you love Charlotte so much?”


“Because she has faith. SERIOUS faith. Faith like potatoes.”


“Dude, lay off the absinthe suppositories.”




5. Not a Pixar fan…


Photo by Troy Nixey.


Taken at the Maximum Overdrive Museum. Not the one they’re building Sydney or the ten story one in Hong Kong. This is from the West Coast one in San Francisco. The Manhattan Maximum Overdrive Museum is overrun with the Pat Hingle exhibit, but the overwhelming fan response would not allow them to move the sign, even if for but a day.

Now I’m crestfallen that the above paragraph isn’t truth. What I wouldn’t do for a Maximum Overdrive Museum ANYWHERE.


6. I wish this were a photo of me.



Photo by Andrea Rothe.


That is one of the more fucked expressions an animal can have. Smug yet completely at a loss for success

“I’ll be back – to buy yarn!” – If Arnold Schwarzenegger actually said this… holy amazing.

This magazine is not to be confused with Packofs, the official Brian Pollock magazine*.



7. Where else would a Ford come from than a Krapohl?



Photo by Andrea Rothe.


The real shame is the owner’s wife, now forever known as Sally Cleanmigh-Krapohl.



8. “We got us a Jap on staff” was taken down due to complaints.


Photo by Brandon Lauhon.


“This road trip through America has been tough and not without trials. Hand me the Zagat survey and pick the best, let’s feast like kings after I get us the fuel to get there.”


“Well today is your lucky day, mate.”



9. extremelyspecificracism.org.



Photo by Evan Dickson.


“I win! I ain’t gonna let no quiet and unassuming brittle little ethnic people come up in here and crash my party ever again!”



10. This driver deserves to hit a huge bump.



Photo by Jeff Crosby.


The funniest thing is when you see a beefy, muscular dude walking one of these landkrill.




11. The Irony: He only gets an erection at home.



Photo by John Cooper.


A joints that exist only so people can buy silly t-shirts. People who fall for this kind of shit can come suck my big dick.




12. Math.


Photo by Kara Sargent.


Somehow the IRS is gonna find out about this and ruin it for all of us.



13. Isn’t this Yeardley Smith’s boyfriend’s nickname?



Photo by Kara Sargent.


Sold exclusively at Wal-Mart.




14. Arby’s decides on truth in advertising.



Photo by Kara Sargent.


So fitting that the place is populated by the minivan owners of the Earth.



15. I left mine in the car overnight and the bugs got to it.



Photo by Matt Turner.


Seriously folks… don’t collect a bunch of other people’s smiles. It’s gross and whenever they’re not fresh or ironic they’re just creepy things to collect.





16. “This muffin tastes like Charleton Heston.”



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


These people look either like the real-life inspiration for Bruce Altman and Elizabeth Mitchell’s characters in Running Scared or hostages forced at gun and penispoint to pose for this uncomfortable photo. Possible items they were eating:

Pat Hingle.
Time.
Sara Lee. The person, not the snack conglomerate.
A bucket of nuts, bolts, and child hair.
The real secret of Nimh.
Islamic Rhetoric.
Bunions collected from an old folk’s home.
Terrible’s.



17. Who the fuck would buy this?



Photo by Nick Nunziata.



“I
have the solution to not drinking stuff!”



“Por qua?”



“A delicious drink called Water Joe.”


[assassination sounds]



18. Cockatease.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


“At Cynical Robert’s pet store we sell the truth to children. One day your beloved pet is gonna stink of death and you’re going to be the discoverer of the body. Enjoy the end cap. After here come to my Parent Casket Shop!”



19. The End.



Photo by Unknown.



By the way:



























“Dad called my aunt a wasp. Which bug is she really?”




Message Board Thread.

































* The insidest joke in town.