What

follows is a scattershot bit of staff and reader submitted photos that

showcase the lunacy that exists in the world around us. Submit images HERE, and comment on the thread HERE. Also, please post links on your Facebook, Twitter, or Digg accounts if you want to help keep us swaddled in sweetness.

ASSORTED DUMB SHIT


1. “It’s a microphone… until mom leaves the room!”



Photo by Alex Rivello.


“We need some signage, ASAP!”


“That’s why I get paid the biggest bucks in town. What you need?”



“We need an image that completely embodies the concept of batteries. We tried having pictures of batteries already and it seemed too meta.”


“How’s about a black girl enjoying her day?”



“Fucking nailed it in one take!”


2. They’ll give a business license to ANYONE.



Photo by Brad Bishop.


“Welcome to Puppy’s.”


“I’d like to meet the owner. Please direct me to Puppy.”



“We have an entire row of puppies. I’m the owner. Carl Murtaugh at your service!”


“This isn’t Puppy’s place? I was hoping to bump into the legendary Puppy.”



“We sell puppies here. Tons of them. Little, big, and all with paperwork and glistening eyes!”


“But why does it say ‘Puppy’s’ on the sign?”


“Because we specialize in puppies! I love ‘em! They’re adorable!”



“I am afraid I’m going to have to execute you, Mr. Carl Murtaugh for crimes against grammar.”




3. This is an Illuminati message.



Photo by Brian Herrero.


Notice the hidden 9/11 message. The text on the right is an anagram for Interfpank, the ancient art of GrecoRoman self-touch. Notice the 12227, which to the Aztecs meant “The Asshole Number”. It’s beyond you and I, this mystery.

Anyhow, if God were real he’d probably believe in Atheists. Otherwise he’d really not be God would he? The people empowered to write church signs ought to be less dumb
.


4. IF FUCKING ONLY…


Photo by Clay Young.


I would swap my car’s air conditioning in the hottest summer months for the ability to make Twilight go away.




5. That would illustrate where the real guy was during the making of Cradle 2 the Grave.


Photo by Evan Dickson.


I love when people can’t accept their reality and live vicariously through their license plate. Example: Def Leppard’s drummer’s 2GR8ARMZ.


6. I wish this were a photo of me.



Photo by Jack Dnim.


This is either the cover of a book about:

  • A savage man and his ability to tame the wild.
  • A Hippie with the weirdest penal wart.
  • A Sea World cautionary tale.
  • Why Uncle Francis is in jail.
  • How Shamu got his “other blowhole”.
  • The invention of the Faggotron.



7. But I don’t know how to papk!



Photo by Jamie Songer.


What this means is that someone papked in that exact location and we missed it.



8. He must have been one hell of a fucking dog.


Photo by Jeff Crosby.


“Four days on the road. The Grand Canyon’s only five hours away.”

“Fuck you Jerry, change of plans.”



9. Loretta Swit’s cousin’s been busy.



Photo by Jeff Crosby.


Why are they advertising the prequel to White Hunter, Black Heart?



10. Apparently Taco Bell spent all their energy on their amazing food.



Photo by Jeff Gabrielson.


That solves it. I am not having my prom at Taco Bell.




11. Stinks just like country music!



Photo by John Makarewicz.


Ingredients: Steer Piss, Beer, Hooter’s Waitress Sweat, and Piss Piss.


Note: I wanted to do a Tug McGraw joke here
.



12. The Fear Network.


Photo by John Makarewicz.


He probably WEP the bed.


13. HBO is your daughter… is your sister… is your daughter… is your sister!



Photo by Mark Wheaton.


Hungblood will be Patrick Swayze’s amazing poetic sequel/prequel/ remaquel swan song.




14. Poor Dwayne Johnson.



Photo by Matt Turner.


Not to be confused with the sign outside Jennifer Gray’s house:

“Due to Wind I am unemployable.”



15. Because they’re built differently than white people.



Photo by Matt Turner.


“What so special about these Hisapnic eye drops? What will they help me do?”


“Si.”




16. “The bugs are dead? Well, let’s raise the m’fu’n roooooooooof!”



Photo by Mike DiGrazia.


“Thank you for mortally wounding all those termites.”


“I also do pest control.”



17. Fuck this guy.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


I have seen this shit a lot. As if part of the responsibility of owning an old truck
(car buff term: olding) requires one to scatter all the litter of the world on one’s dash like an asshole. It’d be great if the cops stumbled across a car crash…

“I have a redneck male, approximately 32 years of age, deceased about three hours. It appears he died after hitting the brakes going around fifty miles per hour. No damage to the vehicle.”


“Cause of death?”



“Paper cuts.”



18. FINALLY I CAN EAT.



Photo by Nick Nunziata.


There is a British foods section at Publix. That is my setup and punchline.



19. The Thomas Jane Action Figure.



Photo by Unknown.


They could only fit one of this animal on Noah’s Ark.



20. I ran out of brown crayons.



Photo by Richard Barfield.


It’s the first in a new line of slavery coloring books sweeping the nation.



21. Which is more offensive?



Photo by Andrew Sweeney.


They put them out of order. First you become a Twilight fan, THEN you become a Nazi.



By the way:



























“I can run faster than a hour!”




Message Board Thread.