Back in 1988 or so Sean Fahey (now in Hawaii practicing law until he gets it perfect), Kevin Fahey (now a veteran of Law & Order, Battlestar Galactica, and Kings), and myself (now treading water like a champ) made a home movie called The Goblin. It starred us and the gorgeous gentleman to the right. It featured live action (kids running in my yard), stop-motion (a toy moving jerkily through the same yard), and the defacement of a wall in my parent’s garage [the now legendary ‘Shooting Range’ scene]. It wasn’t good. It was in fact a live action remake of a little audio play we did in 1984. That wasn’t good either. Two of us (hint: they were brothers) still had kidvoice. What our incarnation of The Goblin had was the willingness for the beast to KILL KIDS. Which is what any goblin worth its salt is prone to do. Kids are easy to kill. FACT.

There’s a new Goblin coming to screens and instead of going for the jugular it’s going for the family dollar. It’s directed by Charles Gibson, a special effects artist I’ve never heard of but a fellow who has done 2nd unit work on some big flicks involving pirates and time traveling robots [now combine those two and you have a movie pitch]. It’s a movie about a family who moves into a house with a goblin living there who doesn’t want to leave. It’s like a little green, more sane Gary Busey!

A family friendly goblin film. What is the world coming to? I want to see a family arrive and have the parents wake up the next day to find a little behemoth picking through the carcasses of their septuplets. This is why I run a site and haven’t yet sold a script.

Want to be less interested? It’s from the writer of Daddy Day Care. So yes, I ran this article because I wanted everyone to see a Boglin.

It’s funny how if you swap two harmless letters in the word ‘goblin’ you get THE GREATEST TOY EVER MADE. You could control his eyes and mouth effortlessly! Better than your own! Fuck off, the Boglins are better than the truth.