You can tell a lot about a person from the miscellaneous collection of DVD’s stacked next to their television set. Are they a romantic? Do they have a sense of humor? Do they have an unhealthy obsession with Keanu Reeves? Every film we own says a little bit about us, whether we’d like it to… or not. So I’ve decided to turn this uncompromising insight on myself by analyzing my entire DVD collection… one impulse buy at a time.

DAY 1: AMERICAN BEAUTY

What’s it about:
“Verbal” Kent finds out he’s gonna die at the end of the day so he tells his wife how he really feels about her, macks on his daughter’s slutty (but not REALLY slutty) best friend and makes out with his gay (but not REALLY gay) neighbor who ends up killing him… probably because he’s a bad kisser. The irony.

Why I bought it:
American Beauty is the “Jagged Little Pill” of the DVD collection. Everybody owns the damn thing, even if they never intend to put it on again. (And because it proved that litter makes the most beautiful art in the world.)

What it says about me:
Probably that I’m afraid of falling into a mundane and loveless marriage reliant upon routine and limited superficial gratification to get me through the day. And that I think Thora Birch is hot in that weird goth (but not REALLY goth) kinda way. I mean, how can a girl who’s named after the Norse God of Thunder not be a LITTLE hot?



Until next time… Hit me back.