Roger Clemens EXPOSED!

Roger Clemens has had what many consider to be a bad year. First, his
last tenure as a New York Yankee ended up in a short playoff stint.
Then his chinchilla died. Then he was placed next to Barry Bonds at the
forefront of the Steroids non-epidemic in baseball. Then his chinchilla
rose from the dead and we eat marshmallow bunnies because of it. Then
his buddy Andy Pettitte realized that baseball’s honor code does not
extend to perjury and he told his version of the truth about Clemens.
Then an oil war was started partially because of Clemens’ zombie
chinchilla’s poor relations with another chinchilla in Medina. Then Loggins and Messina spent an evening together mulling a new project. Then his entire name and
Hall of Fame outlook became sullied in controversy. Then photographic
evidence of Clemens at a party he said he wasn’t at surfaced. Some
would say Mr. Clemens is a bit Rogered.

Photographic evidence. Hard to defy that. After hearing of this I
employed my own considerably journalistic skills in order to peel back
layers of visual truth regarding Roger Clemens’ place in our world as a
man who may not always be telling the truth.

Photographic evidence. My discoveries speak for themselves.

Fucker’s just standing there holding the matches like it’s nobody’s business that he’s there. As an aside, he has aged extremely well. Callous. To just grin and enjoy a coffee while your handiwork suffers just so I can enjoy Bombtrack cranked at full volume.

Now I know why Clemens calls his split-fingered pitch “The Patsy”. Fucker. Still, look at how his cheekbones have held up all these years.

Cocksucking! I knew it. The man has his tendrils EVERYWHERE.


- Nick Nunziata suckled Roger Clemens’ tits as a boy but there’s no photographic proof.

Thanks to Jeremy Butler for resizing these real images.