A year ago I put forth an infamous trilogy of Comic-Con
reports that set temblors across the landscape of the internet community.  How do I know this?  Because one person commented on my writing in
the forums.  One goddamn person.  So, I am currently re-evaluating just exactly
how I should cover the Con this year or, more importantly, if I should cover it
at all.  If all goes as planned, I will
be there Thursday, Friday and Saturday.  That’s three days of sleep deprivation and three days of inhaling nerd
sweat.  Please, for the love of God
people…shower before entering the Con!

Since I’m not a journalist and barely a man, I just might
forgo these write-ups and stick to updates on my Twitter account.  Unfortunately, I can only post from my PC and
laptop (neither of which will be with me at the Con), so it’s not the timeliest of solutions.  Plus, every
son-of-a-bitch with an internet connection will be flooding websites with
updates, interviews, previews and their impressions of lame upcoming movies and
television shows.  So, it’s not like
there will be a dearth of Comic-Con news filtering out of the fabled, stinky
halls of the San Diego Convention Center, and, truth be told, I’ll probably be
hammered most of the time and who needs to read my garbled and slurred updates
anyway?  The point is, does anybody
really need more fucking Comic-Con coverage?  Of course, I’m guessing some crazy shit will go down while I’m there and
I’ll have the compelling need to share it with everyone in my own obtuse,
semi-retarded way.  Or I might just write
a scathing report attacking all the unkempt assholes that didn’t invite me to
parties or completely ignored me on the floor or in the bars or on the streets.

And since I mentioned possibly doing Twitter updates, I need
to express my praise and condemnation of this evil/great site (something that
has been written about on CHUD quite recently by several bloggers).  Not too long ago I registered with the site
and somehow got addicted to posting stupid shit and sending questions/comments
to various friends, actors, musicians, and internet folk.  Maybe people just don’t like hearing from
people they don’t know (which begs the question “Why post a public profile to
begin with?”) but I have discovered that getting responses from people you
don’t have any personal contact with is damn near impossible.  For fuck’s sake, at least grant someone the
courtesy of replying back if they have gone out of the way to write to you. What
happened to respect?  Are you really
telling me that Carrot Top doesn’t have enough time to type up a quick response
to one of my hilarious queries?

Anyway, that’s all for my ranting (right now).  I encourage all of you to say hi if you see
me at the Con and feel free to follow me on Twitter (trust me, there’s
room).  And here are some tips for
Convention first-timers:

Try to
breathe from your mouth as much as possible.


Use the

If you
stink, stay away from me.

If you’re
trying to get into the Twilight/New
panel, stay away from me.

If you don’t stink and are not
going to the Twilight panel, buy me a drink.

If you can get me into a party,
then what the fuck are you waiting for?

Make sure you urinate and/or poop
before standing in the Hall H line.

Do not urinate and/or poop while
standing in the Hall H line.

Please, in the name of all that is
Holy, if you are morbidly obese, wear pants.

If you choose to wear leather,
watch out for chaffing!

See you folks at the Con!