What

follows is a scattershot bit of random thoughts, links, and images that

showcase the lunacy that exists in the entertainment world and beyond.

Folks who remember my old missives from the old Steady Leak articles

should find this kind of stuff familiar. Folks seemed to get a kick out

of the first installment, and each Wednesday should fall victim to

another installment. Don’t expect anything deep here but something may

tickle your fancy.

ASSORTED DUMB SHIT


1. Cat’s Revenge on Trees.



Photo by Andrea Rothe.


  • Feed Your Cat A Couple of Times a Day.
  • Provide Water For It To Drink.
  • Change the Litter Once a Week.
  • Don’t Step on its Face.
  • Like the Cat.
  • If Something Goes Wrong Bring Cat to Vet.


I just negated the need for this stupid magazine. That said, it’s better than most magazines devoted to pussy.








2. “Oh, this is a public watermelon sir.”



Photo by Andrea Rothe.



“Can I have some of that?”


“No.”



“Why the fuck? I’m hungry as thirst over here!”


“It’s personal.”





3. Money Doesn’t Talks.



Photo by Andrea Clothe.


It’s cool that the guy from Zerowing is getting work.




4. So Much Better Than Spicy Pies.


Photo by Andrea Rothe.


“I’d like to get a refund on this.”


“Was it bad?”



“I’ll say. It was all sweet and shit.”



“You mean this pie with the bite missing you’ve handed me in a sticky plastic bag?”



“Yep. This piece of shit was sweet as candy and twice as innocent on my tongue.”


“The pie did its job, sir.”



“Don’t give me lip, the customer is always right. WHY DIDN’T IT TASTE LIKE SNAKES?






5. I only buy things that can defeat.


Photo by Chris Crespo.


I’d love to see the copy writer’s classified ad:

Single, white industry profession seeking somes. Swimming enjoy! Underwaters can not drown. Some education when couldn’t vanquish grades. Athletic, muscles choose bulge. All inquiries welcome, AIDS can not defeat
.





6. Please God, render this man infertile.



Photo by Chris Hayes.


“Dude, I used my dick in front of Dick’s!”


“Bro, you’re a gay now.”



“No Hoss, not what you think. I totally dropped sauce on Frances while PARKED at the sporting goods shop. I parked and then I PARKED, if you get my… HIGH FIVE!”

*KER-SLAPASS!*


“Did you do her in the Fuckmobile?”



“Chief, the Shagin Wagon! You’re so fucking lame.”


“You talking about your busted-up old truck with plastic bags for windows, no A/C, and the stench of wiper fluid in the back?”


“YOU MEAN CHICK HEAVEN?”







7. The Electric Car.



Photo by Colin Dixon.


Heart Cults? I guess Thuggee was taken.

Speaking of, Mola Ram’s fist was a Love Removal Machine.




8. Nike’s running out of slogans.


Photo by Corran Lindsay.


When is there ever an acceptable time for this sign to happen?





9. My Junk Has a Hero.



Photo by Don Williams.


I’m torn. I want my grindgear to be a champion but at what cost? A self-important glassy vigilante roaming the streets taking credit for my successful piss volleys? I’m on the fence here. I’ve been holding hope that some badass costumed legend’s going to rise to combat evil, I find it hard to settle for a fruity drink representing my salvation.




10. Someone saw Running Scared.



Photo by Jamie.


Great, now we’re going to have all these little people running around arranging marches, making folk art, and being impeccably dressed without any opportunities for them to build up fear through the offhand remarks and overt hate of their peers and family members.




11. Perfect, especially if you like to drink 11 year-old boys whole.



Photo by Jeremy Butler.


“Why’s the highway closed ahead?”


“Brian pissed his drink out.”



12. Adulthood Personified.


Photo by John Makarewicz.


All that you loved and felt dear will one day be discarded. No less cute, but susceptible to hardship, loss, and roadside obliteration. Soft when you need hard, clean when you need dirty, and oblivious to the danger just waiting to end you.



13. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s an uneducated racist.



Photo by John Makarewicz.


This is what talkbacks looked like, circa 1983.




14. Auto-unasphyxiation.



Photo by Justin Waddell.


Don’t believe everything you read when behind this person. They failed their emission test. You breathe, you die.






15. Copse Car.



Photo by Justin Waddell.


The answer to What Wood Jesus Do.








By the way:



























“My umbrella keeps the dry from getting off of me!”




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