I always wonder who reads James Patterson books. Especially his young adult novels; I mean someone must, since they seem to have a new one on the shelves every six weeks, but who? Will anyone out there stand up and admit to having so little taste, sense and self-respect that they buy Patterson books? And who will admit to having read the Maximum Ride books?

In fact, I know so little about the books, I have to cut and paste from Hollywood Reporter just to tell you what they’re about:

The five-volume series by James Patterson chronicles six teens,
known as the Flock, who are genetically altered so that they are
part human and part bird. Learning to fly, they escape the
laboratory where they have been housed and are pursued by a pack of
creatures called the Erasers that are part human and part
wolf.


That sounds fucking horrible. Bird teens? You seriously must be shitting me.

Anyway, not only do people read these books, enough people read them to make Sony think they’d make a good series of movies. And so Catherine Hardwicke, director of Twilight, has been brought on board. So sad. I used to really have hopes for Hardwicke, especially after Lords of Dogtown.

The guy who wrote Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer is writing this. I’m probably going to have to see it someday. You’ll be luckier.