With the release of a
new Friday the 13th this Friday February 13th mixed with the (third,
maybe) rerelease of the first three films in new DVDs, I figured now is
as good a time as any to reprint this classic series from a couple of
years back, where I sat down and watched all 10 Friday the 13th films
as well as Freddy vs Jason. To make this something more than a simple
reprint series, I’m also reviewing the new DVDs on each of the relevant
entries. Which I guess makes just the last 8 nothing more than a
reprint series, but since this was a pretty fun series I don’t see the
harm in that. This new edition of CHUD Goes to Camp Crystal Lake will
culminate with my review of the new Friday the 13th, but it’s unlikely
that it will be in the same format as the rest of the series. I’ll save
that for my review of the DVD in four months.


Special thanks to Litmus Configuration for the amazing image above!


Kills:
18
(one disheartening punch to the chest, two spearings, one disarming and
subsequent tree impalement, a triple decapitation, one broken bottle in
the neck, a double machete impalement, one impersonation of The Wall movie
poster, one knife to the noggin, one offscreen total dismemberment, one
twist and pop off top, one bullseye dart to the forehead, one smooshed
skull, one breaking in half)

Best Kill: The sherriff bends over backwards for Jason.

Sex, Drugs and Rock n’ Roll:
Being a misogynistic sore loser leads Jason to attempt a team
dissembling exercise. Making out in the woods remains verboten.
Littering is not acceptable. Sex in an RV can give you worse than AIDS
if you’re near Crystal Lake.

The Comeuppance: Chained to a boulder and sunk in Crystal Lake, Jason only quits after getting a boat’s propeller to the face and shoulders.

http://chud.com/nextraimages/friday_the_thirteenth_a_new_beginning.jpgThe Movie: There are not many film franchises that see the very best installment happen in the fifth sequel, yet here’s Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives, the hands down very best
Friday movie. It’s the one that all other Fridays
should be judged against, and they’ll all be found lacking… especially
the increasingly terrible ones to follow. Writer/director Tom
McLaughlin brought a whole new feeling to the series, giving Jason Lives
a tone that dances between self-aware humor and legitimate tension. He
also took the time to write dialogue for the characters, which means
that if you fast-forward past all the parts where people are still
alive and talking you’ll actually be missing stuff.

McLaughlin
opens his movie perfectly: Tommy Jarvis is on a road trip back to
Crystal Lake (now renamed Forest Green to help everyone forget the
murderous past) to finally end his Jason hallucinations by digging up
the killer and cremating him. He’s brought beloved Sweathog Arnold
Horshack with him, and together they come face to face with the rotten,
maggot-infested corpse of Mama Voorhees’ boy. Sadly, Tommy isn’t quite
over his rage issues from the last movie, and he attacks the body,
sticking a metal pole right in Jason’s chest. And wouldn’t you know
that a bolt of lightning hits that pole and reanimates the mass
murderer.

Now, a lot of stupid things happen in Friday the 13th
movies and I usually scoff at them. But McLaughlin’s actually putting
some effort into this film, and he’s a decent director. The end result
is that while the idea of a bolt of lightning bringing this maniac back
to life is totally ridiculous, you just don’t care because it’s done
very well. And in case you start to care, McLaughlin has Jason punch
through Horshack’s chest and remove his heart. Oooh, oooh, Mr. Kotter
indeed.

The
mood is almost perfectly set, and then McLaughlin goes and makes it
utterly perfect: we zoom into Jason’s eyeball and all of a sudden his
iris is taking up the screen, and Jason walks in from stage right –
yes, it’s a Jason Voorhees version of the famous James Bond gun barrel
sequence. Jason turns to the camera, swipes his machete, blood pours
from the wound in reality and the titles happen. It’s a glorious moment; one part tongue in cheek, one part homage, one part acknowledgment
that, like James Bond, Jason Voorhees will keep showing up in movies
for decades to come (that confidence was a little premature, I think).

Tommy
takes off to warn the authorities. This is also a nice change of pace
from the previous five films – the main character starts things off
proactively as opposed to discovering a bunch of dead bodies in the
final act. The whole dynamic is changed and the formula is upended,
which in this kind of movie can feel totally revolutionary. And because
McLaughlin’s actually writing a real movie here and not just excuses
for teen types to get killed, there’s a subplot or two and characters
we actually like. When Tommy finds the sheriff, the lawman thinks the
kid is nuts. After a number of run-ins the sheriff starts getting
really upset with Tommy, especially as the sheriff’s daughter takes a
liking to the ex-Feldman (in this case played by genre vet Thom Mathews
(Return of the Living Dead!).
In most other genre movies the sheriff would just be a two dimensional
dick, but McLaughlin makes him actually likable, and at the end when he
sacrifices his life to stall Jason from killing his daughter (and earns
the Kill of the Movie in the process), you actually feel for him.
Imagine that, feeling for a character in a slasher movie.

Meanwhile,
camp is back in session on Crystal Lake, and in another upset from
Friday formula convention, the kids arrive before Jason does. All of a
sudden there’s an extra layer to the whole movie – what will the
filmmakers do when Jason makes his expected return to the camp to begin
killing? Will he go after the kids (maybe. He never really gets a good
chance, but I am under the impression that he was going to kill them)?

The
only problem McLaughlin runs into is keeping Tommy and Jason apart for
most of the film. By the time Jason gets to the camp, the script needs
to keep him sort of fucking around and not taking care of business,
which leads to an end of the second act drag. It’s a minor quibble,
though, especially when taken in context of all the other great things
that happen in the film. The kills are fairly inventive – the triple
decap of the paintballers is legendary – and most of the characters
have memorable moments and a line or two of strong dialogue. It’s like
an embarrassment of riches for a Friday viewer, and after spending the last week immersed in the special kind of barely-there filmmaking that makes up the Friday series, Jason Lives was a shock to my system.

Tommy Jarvis is an on and off character; in The Final Chapter Feldman’s pretty strong, but the Tommy in A New Beginning is a big, brooding stiff. Thom Mathews is the best Tommy to date, and I believe the best Friday
protagonist of all (the first one of you to mention Lar Park Lincoln
gets a fucking kick to the nuts. Even if you’re a girl). Charismatic
and likable, Mathews handles Tommy’s two sides – being scared shitless
of Jason and being obsessively driven to confront him – wonderfully. He
also has an energy that’s native to 80s adventure films, and I think
that’s the category Jason Lives really falls under – it’s an adventure film with a slasher at its center. Imagine Explorers with a zombie instead of aliens, and Ethan Hawke gets disembowelled. Go ahead, imagine it. It’s fun.

The A Nightmare on Elm Street
films struggled with humor as the series went on; for my money they
end up getting too involved in Freddy one-liners and less interested in
anything resembling a horror film. Jason Lives
walks that line perfectly, mainly by not making Jason silly or the
source of humor at all. He may run into characters who are funny – the
corporate-speaking paintballers, the camp counselor who tries to buy
him off with her AmEx, the grumpy cemetery caretaker – but Jason
himself is always a source of menace. Many fans think that Kane Hodder,
who starts in the next film, is the best Jason, but for my money that
honor goes to former bouncer CJ Graham, whose Jason predicts Robert
Patrick’s performance in Terminator 2.
He’s removed all humanity from the character, making him a body
animated only to kill. I find the force of nature Jason to be the most
interesting, and really the scariest – he’s sheer destruction on two
legs.

Tommy
Jarvis survives the film, but this is his last film to date. I actually
would have liked to see him go down with Jason at the end, but I’m dark
like that. Jason’s final fate is one of his best, not in the way that
the machete slide was so awesome in The Final Chapter,
but in that McLaughlin’s essentially being up front that Jason is just
stopped for now, not beaten for good. And by drowning Jason in Crystal
Lake, McLaughlin kees up the series’ fascination with its own
continuity. A continuity that the films keep fucking up – I guess it’s
like picking at a scab; the movies can’t ignore it and they just keep
making it worse.

This is probably going to be the shortest review in this whole series because the truth is that there isn’t much to say about Jason Lives except that it’s pretty damn good, and not just for a Friday film. The next two films are progressively more terrible, and it’s sad, because the what makes Jason Lives
work are not the expensive crane shots or the very good production
values – it’s a writer/director who actually gives a shit and isn’t
just cashing a paycheck. Little details, like the horror movie
shoutouts and homages throughout, prove that McLaughlin’s actually got
his heart in this thing and is trying to make a movie that legitimately
entertains and doesn’t just hit certain beats that we’ve been
programmed to expect.

Of course this wonderful breath of fresh air marked the end of quality Friday the 13ths
for Paramount. The next two would be absolute pieces of shit, and then
the franchise would move to New Line, who would slowly kill the series.


Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives scores:


Four Retard Jasons out of four.



Next: Jason vs. Carrie. A movie butchered worse than the victims. Jason gets defeated by a zombie. Devin begins weeping in pain.