You know what? I love Christian Bale for being a cunt. I don’t want him to apologize (though he has), and the mistake in his apology is that he said it was a one time thing. He’s given himself a limit. Bad news. I wish he’d been all like “yeah, it happened, so what?” But that’s in my fantasy world. I bet the next director he works with pushes his buttons and Bale will have to eat it if the director waves a recording device in front of him.



IN DEFENSE OF COMFORT FOOD

We have seen Paul Blart make shitloads of money. We have now seen a sturdy actioneer make money. We have seen Oscar pictures go wide and eat it. We have seen the Republican house vote entirely against the stimulus package. We have seen record job loss. These things are not unconnected.

People are stressed out, freaked. The amount of job loss makes people in jobs that should be secure feel a bit sketched. And if you’re a journalist? Oh, dear lord are you walking on eggshells. Some companies may be laying people off in preventative measures, so people are going to get axed not because the company can’t afford to have the working, but because they’re afraid they might have to do it in the future. How fucked is that? And it’s not going to get better for a number of months. The reality of the situation, especially if the bail-out gets kicked and jerked around because of politics, is that America may finally have to pay for its sins, and it may never fully recover. That manifest-destiny, the goal to be the best may have to take a backseat to falling behind China in terms of everything.

In Hollywood there have been massive layoffs at most of the majors, and there is talk that Summit will fold into Lionsgate. The Orphanage – the visual effects company – has folded. Other tangential businesses are worried and hurting.

The reality is scary, uncertain, and gloomy for a reason. And in times like this, why would you want to go see a film that makes you think about how a good man like Harvey Milk, whose only sin was being a homosexual, got murdered? Why would you want to watch a film like The Reader, or Revolutionary Road (which is one of the worst films of last year)? These films always had a limited appeal, regardless of how many awards they get, but if you spend your days worried and stressed out, what would appeal to you more? And that’s why films like Paul Blart and Taken are doing a little bit better business than you’d think, and why these Oscar expansions aren’t clicking (excepting Slumdog Millionaire, which is a feel-good story). People want relief from their troubles, and would rather get what they expect than anything else.

This will hurt Watchmen at the end of the day. And now that we are a month out, I’m finding it hard to think the film will do much more than $100, which it may have trouble getting to. The blitz has not begun in total, though. But as I said the other night, I wouldn’t be surprised if Friday the 13th is more successful. Fans, don’t worry. The question is if the film’s good.

GET YOUR PAWS OFF OF ME, YOU DAMN DIRTY PREDICTIONS!

This weekend we see a couple of steamers heading to all of the theaters. Were He’s Just Not That In To You a good thirty minutes shorter, I might look forward to seeing it, but besides have a large cast, it’s also 130 minutes long. How is that humanly possible? That’s some indulgence there. I guess when you have that many stars, you have to give them all additional screentime. It’s going to be in a close wrestling match with The Pink Panther 2. The first film was rather successful, and so it’s possible this one will click as well. It’s also got Emily Mortimer, John Cleese and Lily Tomlin. I imagine the call from Steve Martin goes something like this:
“Yes, I know you’ll feel like a whore, but look at the pile of money!”
“You know that’s the definition of being a whore.”
“Did I tell you how much money?”
I mean, like, why not, though? I don’t blame anyone for taking the
money. It’s not like they have to watch the movie. It looks like shit, I peg it as the weekend winner.

Coraline and Push will struggle because they weird and funky looking. I want the best for Coraline because I like the people involved, and it was made in Oregon, but reality is not flattering. And Fanboys has finally been released. It’s in theaters now. How is this possible? The miracles of modern science. Taken should stay strong.

So let’s get up on it.
1. The Pink Panther Deuce – $23 Million
2. He’s Just Not That In To You (spoiler: in the end, he is) – $19.5 Million
3. Taken – $15 Million
4. Coraline $11 Million
5. Paul Blart Mall Cop - $9.8 Million

And then Sunday, I’ll make sweet, sweet love to you. Personally.