You know how we always bitch about movies being made that have already been made and how they represent the creative nadir of Hollywood and a new reality where original ideas are frowned upon in comparison to familiar formulas being revisited until the figurative cows figuratively come home?

This is another one of those articles.

Jack the Giant Killer is being made into a movie for AT LEAST the fifth time in history excluding Jack and the Beanstalk films which share a similar lineage. Because stories about little assholes killing great big assholes need to be called Jack the Giant Killer. Because that title means something to kids who look at books as these horrible papery tasks handed down from vicious disciplinarians in pallid and dreamless classrooms.

I’m not bitter. The film adaptation is being directed by D.J. Caruso, fresh off Eagle Eye and Disturbia and the helmer of many great episodes of The Shield. He is not to be confused with P.J. Caruso, which keeps Det. John Kelly cozy in his slumber. Caruso is an interesting talent, one who has been saddled with some subpar material. Not for lack of trying to find great stuff as I know for a fact he also was circling a comic book project by a friend of mine which would have been stellar.

His skills are unquestionable regardless of the material he’s been given. Plus, he made a movie where Vincent D’Onofrio had zero noses.

This is based on Arthurian legends, loosely. Sort of. Which means it still has many ways to not be good. It’s a fairy tale*, and those are in demand.

But this is a fairy tale produced by Neal Moritz, who is attached to almost as many movies as end credits. A man whose gamut ranges from the extremely phenomenal and robust The Skulls franchise to the upcoming 4ast ‘N 4ious and all the way back to Cruel Intentions, which was also based on Arthurian Legends.

Well, at least it’s not another Night at the Museum I suppose.

We’ll report more on this in a remake of this news article.


* Not unlike Pan’s Labyrinth, Legend, and Milk.