I hate it when you’re doing everything right and Akuma still gets his rising uppercut in. Or when you’re in the middle of a phenomenal bit of joystick magic and Blanka does that backwards kick to interrupt your fine work. It’s cheap and it’s bullshit. Though he looks pretty fetching when facing the other way.

Also cheap and bullshit, every idea involving Street Fighter and a movie theater. Including that time you were eating popcorn and M. Bison landed on your scalp. Every idea sucked, which of course is why Street Fighter is being re-imagined. What they did wrong the first time was to make the concept into a special forces style action flick rather than a series of fights between persons of varying heritage and bestiality.

So of course the new film is a special forces style action flick starring the obviously Asian Kristin Kreuk as Chun-Li, a woman on a quest for justice. That’s the plot. And Michael Clark Duncan is Balrog, which explains why Ian McKellan isn’t in the film.

Unless the movie was a literal adaptation of the game, I don’t see the value here. I want to see two assholes fighting and a guy in the background working as a blacksmith or something in a perpetual loop.

I’ll take it all back if they toss in the “Yoga Flame” sound byte during every explosion.

Here’s IGN’s trailer exclusive. Watch it and be disappointed that all the people in the background aren’t moving at 3.5 times the speed as everyone else.